28 November, 2005 | Leave a Comment
You may have been stuffing your face and shopping during this holiday weekend, but don’t feel guilty. Angelina Jolie tended to the poor and the needy on your behalf, consoling survivors in earthquake-ravaged Pakistan as an ambassador for the UN. She has atoned for your gluttonous sins.
News reports of Angelina’s latest humanitarian mission have prompted this rant. Enjoy.
Only a few short years ago, Angelina Jolie was Hollywood’s wild child, a former drug addict who French kissed her brother in public, wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, and had a penchant for self-mutilation. But now she is no longer the actress renowned more for her silicone-plumped lips than for her acting ability. Now she is Saint Angelina. I predict that at next year’s Oscar ceremony, she may ascend directly to heaven in a burst of golden light.
Angelina’s miraculous transformation can be traced back to her adoption of son Maddox in 2002. The entertainment media (and by extension the news media in general, since there is very little difference nowadays) lionizes celebrity motherhood, tracing the stars’ growing “bumps” with glee (and then ridiculing them later if they don’t slim down fast enough). After the birth, the new celeb mamas predictably gush that their lives are forever changed, that winning an Oscar cannot compare to wiping up baby sick. Welcome to the 1950s! Meanwhile, regular women are left to feel inadequate in the face of such media spin, which seems completely believable to most people.
Angelina Jolie cleverly zoomed past all of the unpleasant pregnancy business. No stretch marks or weight gain for her! By adopting an orphan from Cambodia, Angelina became not only an instant mother but a champion of the underprivileged children of the world. Almost instantaneously, Angelina ceased to be a weirdo in the eyes of the media and became Super Mom instead. Only motherhood could have bestowed such veneration upon her talentless shoulders. And it only helped Angelina’s image that Billy Bob appeared to end their relationship over the adoption. Angelina sacrificed her marriage for motherhood!
The new activist version of Saint Angelina became a Goodwill Ambassador for the U.N., which means, essentially, that the taxpayers are financing her worldwide exploits (and I do mean that literally). Images of her making out with Billy Bob on the red carpet have been replaced by photos of her in a business suit sitting next to Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Clinton. Her T&A film roles are carefully balanced with paparazzi shots of her carting Cambodian tot Maddox all over the world like a Birkin Bag. The media cannot get enough and neither can the public, apparently.
Further proof of Angelina’s sainthood is obvious to anyone who’s been following the celebrity news story of the year. Under normal circumstances, when Brad Pitt dumped America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston for another woman, the other woman would have been vilified by the press. But unfortunately for Aniston, the other woman in this case was Saint Angelina. So Aniston became the villain instead, portrayed as a selfish career woman with a barren womb who sent her husband rushing to the maternal bosom of Jolie. By all accounts, this is a complete fabrication in every way, yet the media ran with it. Poor Brad! All he wanted was a baby. And now he has not only little Maddox to call him papa but Jolie’s newest acquisition, Ethiopian baby Zahara. Here’s Brad carrying Zahara through an airport this weekend:
Awwwwwwwww! Isn’t an African baby the perfect accessory?
Brad Pitt is clearly an asshole. But I wonder if Saint Angelina actually believes her own press by now? Her father, Jon Voight, famously said in a TV interview a few years ago that his daughter is mentally ill. While he didn’t get specific, my guess is that she does believe her own messianic press. I mean, sista ain’t that good of an actress.
I cannot recall another situation where a Hollywood star has so radically changed her image, especially in such a short period of time. Of course, Tom Cruise did it in reverse this summer, shattering his carefully constructed façade of normalness to reveal the brainwashed cult member and all-around nutjob within. (God, that was fun to witness.) But Saint Angelina’s extreme makeover is fascinating because it so obviously highlights the sexism, conservatism and utter shallowness of today’s media. I know, what a shock.
Anglofille said @ 10:34 am | feminism, pop culture |
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Awww- C’mon!!! I like Angelina Jolie!
She’s not “in your face” with being a celebrity and with her relationship with Brad Pitt. She keeps her personal life private. It’s the media this is makes their relationship so public.
Also, Angelina’s not being a “useless” celebrity like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, the Olsen twins, or Britney Spears. She is using her fame to do some good with her life. That’s the bottom line for me- sure she may be a bit wacky, but she’s making the world a better place. (I know you disagree with me on this- we’ve debated this one to death, but I just had to put in my two cents here!)
By the way- Angelina kicks ASS!!!
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Anglofille Says:
November 28th, 2005 at 11:21 pmOh William! You’ve been run over by the Hollywood hype machine and now you have brain damage. Poor dear.
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Anita Says:
December 1st, 2005 at 7:22 pmDamn kids, play nicely!
