23 April, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Happy 40th Birthday to one of the dearest men I know. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you, Wills! Alas, living on the other side of the Atlantic is sometimes inconvenient. [But at least you got the Eiffel Tower boxer shorts I sent.]
There are so many things I could write about my friend William, but there’s something I’ve been thinking about lately and I want to express that here on his birthday.
Our relationship is free of romantic interest and sexual politics and all the complications that can bring. William is gay and he doesn’t want anything from me besides my friendship. We are honest and genuine with one another — there are none of those stupid games that men and women so often play. But still, my friendship with him has taught me a lot about what I should expect from a man in any relationship. I didn’t realize this until recently.
We had a chat a few weeks ago about men and relationships, an area of life where I’ve not had much success. I’ve been thinking about this subject lately because I’m starting a new chapter of my life and I think I might be more open to relationships now than I have been in the past. I bet William doesn’t even remember this chat, but it has resonated with me. We discussed a few incidents from the past and I was explaining how my interactions with men have not always made me feel good about myself. And he told me that he wants me to find a man who is a gentleman. “A gentleman would never make you feel bad about yourself,” he said.
At first I laughed, because gentleman is such an old-fashioned word and it was funny that he’d use it. But as we talked and I thought about it, I knew he was exactly right. This often happens in our conversations — I’m trying to work my way through an issue and William offers an unexpected insight that clarifies everything for me. After his remark, many things became clear, just like that.
He wasn’t using gentleman in some sort of traditional way — neither of us would ever use the term lady. Ugh. But I just knew what he meant by this term, without us having to spell it out or redefine it. And William is most certainly a gentleman. He always makes me feel valued and loved and respected. We have had our difficulties, of course. We both have our flaws. But he is never careless with my feelings and he is never cruel. He never makes me work for his affection or praise. My interactions with him never make me feel bad about myself. He always has my best interests at heart. And at the end of the day, that’s what’s really important in any relationship. It’s not relevant that William is gay and I’m a straight woman. He has taught me a lot about what I should expect from a man. No matter that I should have learned this well before the age of 34. I know it now. So even though it’s your birthday, William…thank you for the gift.
Happy Birthday and lots of love. xoxo
Anglofille said @ 8:31 pm | personal |
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WOW!!! You are SO sweet! Thank you for such a beautiful posting!
(by the way, thanks for ‘outing’ me!)
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s. Says:
April 24th, 2007 at 12:53 amWhat a great post! Happy 40th William! We met in NYC at Anglofille’s 30th birthday party in Chelsea. I’m usually the one who gets out of carrying the red suitcase! : ) - s.
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Many happy returns to William. We’ll be joining him at 40 very soon!
You have few truly close friends through your life. Cherish them - especially when they open your eyes and make you happy as a result.*raises glass*
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It’s wonderful to find those special relationships. I’m glad you found one with my stepbrother. I’ve heard about you for a number of years now, so it’s neat to see things from the other side.
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Stepdad Says:
April 24th, 2007 at 6:32 pmCan you hear the sound of proud parents patting themselves on the back?
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William: Everyone already knows, don’t they?
S.: You’ve never carried the red suitcase of death? We’ll have to fix that!
Mr. X is almost 40? Have you already begun the countdown?
Lisa and William’s Stepdad: Wills is the best! Lucky you for having him as a brother, Lisa. And good job, Stepdad!
