26 April, 2007 | Leave a Comment

When did young men start winking at women? This happened to me twice on the métro in Paris — a young man (under 25) winked at me for no reason. It was utterly strange.

I mention it now for a reason. In the class I am taking, besides being a student myself I also teach courses. I am in a teaching team with 3 of my classmates. We take turns teaching a class and while I’m teaching, the other team members (and my tutor!) observe me from the back of the classroom. It’s a nerve-wracking experience. There are two young guys on my team and while I’m lecturing, if I make eye contact with them they always wink at me. They do this because they know I get very nervous and they want to reassure me that I’m doing okay. It’s cute in a way, but it also feels a tad patronizing. I mean, they’d never wink at a man. They’d never wink at our female teacher. It makes me wonder if they think I’m not as capable as them.

Neither of these guys is British (well, one is half British but raised in Italy). Maybe it’s normal for French and Italian men (and men from some other cultures) to wink at women? I always associate winking with old men, since my grandfather used to wink at me. And that’s obviously a completely different dynamic. But the Italian-British guy sometimes winks at me at other times during the day, not just when I’m teaching. He’s 24! It’s just very odd. It’s not flirtatious, but I don’t know why he does it. I know some women get annoyed when British men call them love. I thought that was cute when I first arrived, but now I can see how it’s condescending in certain contexts. I think a wink is sort of similar to that.

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1. Sarah I Says:

   April 26th, 2007 at 10:23 pm

   As a teacher, I have to say that I find myself winking at both male and female colleagues (and being winked back at)…usually in meetings. I see it more as a “Do you think this is tedious/weird/funny? (delete as appropriate)” situation. Maybe we are more of the equal opportunities winkers at my school.

2. Anita Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 3:09 am

   I always smile when a man winks at me. It’s flirtatious or it says I’m in support. I like it. But I’m also nearly 50 years old, from another era, before women started believing that flirting or the support of men was condescending and sexist. Men and women relate differently to one another than same sex friendships. Doesn’t bother me a bit. Open my car door. I won’t object. In fact, I expect it.

3. Anglofille Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 8:24 am

   Sarah: Maybe there’s some new winking phenomenon I just don’t understand. Winking in the context you described makes perfect sense though and I wouldn’t mind that at all.

   Anita: I don’t think flirting is sexist! Puhlease!!! But it’s weird to have my male classmates winking at me during the day. The way they do it, it makes me feel like the “little lady.” I agree there’s a generational difference, but that’s part of the reason I brought this up. These guys are so young and I associate winking at women with much older men.

4. samantha Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 8:38 am

   Maybe he has an eye twitch? LOL

5. Anglofille Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 9:00 am

   Ha Ha! Oh dear, I never thought of that.

   Funnily enough, the other day I got into an elevator with a guy who had the weirdest twitch — every minute or so he made a kissing noise and puckered his lips. It seemed like a totally involuntary reaction. This poor guy must be mistaken for a perv wherever he goes.

6. Mr.X Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 9:18 am

   Winks can mean a lot of things, and are rarely condescending. Look at their hands and smile as well, that’ll give you the context.

   *wink*

7. Nicole Says:

   April 27th, 2007 at 10:18 am

   funny- love ‘love’ and winking.

   Both you and Jen have talked about the use of ‘girl’ and I understand your arguments but it doesn’t bother me too much- but that is prob because I am in the home stretch to 40 and find grey hair in my eyebrows.

8. Aloha Pineapple Says:

   April 28th, 2007 at 2:10 am

   Have you been to Ladurée in Harrod’s yet?!?!

   Funny coincidence re: this blog entry. I went to Duane Reade last night to buy some bottled water, and I crashed into two British guys when I entered the store as they were leaving. One of them said, “Oh, sorry! Are you okay, love?” I had read your entry like two hours before this happened, and I was immediately reminded of it.

   And, I don’t like it when people wink at me, either :p

9. Aldor Says:

   April 29th, 2007 at 10:06 pm

   Oh, My God ! British guys wink at you ! That’s so shocking !

   Come back in Paris, Anglofille !

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