16 August, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I didn’t intend to post again today, but then I received some shocking news.
Yesterday, the poet Liam Rector committed suicide. I knew Liam because he was the director of the creative writing program at Bennington College, where I received my master’s degree. All of us associated with the program are stunned at this news. It’s hard to believe that Liam is dead. He was a larger-than-life figure, a big bear of a man with a beard, a loud booming voice and a penchant for drinking and smoking and living hard.
[And who can forget the "Always be closing!" scene from Glengarry Glen Ross that he made all the new students watch?]
Here are news stories from the NY Post and the NY Daily News and the NYT obituary. This is Liam’s bio and some of his poems.
The first time I ever talked to Liam was when he called me — at my little Brooklyn apartment — to tell me that I had been accepted into the graduate program at Bennington. I thought it was so very strange that he would call me himself, but it was a small program and had a real community feel to it. My life sucked at the time and I needed a change. Enrolling in this program would change me forever.
For those who don’t know, Bennington College is a very tiny and prestigious liberal arts college in Vermont. It has had the distinction, over the years, of being the most expensive college in the United States. In the 1980s, the college had quite a wild reputation as the playground of drugged-up rich kids like Bret Easton Ellis. The college at the heart of Donna Tartt’s creepy and wondrous novel The Secret History is modeled after Bennington, of which Tartt herself was an alumna.
Liam founded the graduate writing program at Bennington in 1994. Sadly, his death isn’t the first tragedy for our writing community. In 2002, faculty member and acclaimed Irish-American memoirist Lucy Grealy died of a drug overdose, which most people viewed as a suicide, though it is officially “accidental,” I suppose. The next summer, Reetika Vazirani, an Indian-American poet, killed her 2-year-old son and herself mere weeks after lecturing at the program. Vazirani’s partner was the celebrated Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Yusef Komunyakaa, who had also been at Bennington as visiting faculty. It was difficult to believe that the sweet little boy we’d seen running all over the campus in the Vermont sunshine was later brutally stabbed to death by his mother. Beyond these tragedies, faculty and students have been struck with cancer in a way that is difficult to comprehend.
This isn’t a regular graduate program. It’s a unique program wherein students are only on campus 10 days per semester and the rest of the time write and correspond with faculty from home. We come from all over the country, but it’s a small, close-knit writing community that keeps in regular touch long after graduation. During the program, lifelong friendships are formed, people have nervous breakdowns, get divorced, have affairs with other students [and faculty], leave their spouses and marry someone else. It’s intense, especially the on-campus residencies. A lot of the people are assholes, a lot of them are people I love dearly. Perhaps part of the reason we stay a community after graduation is that getting an advanced degree in creative writing isn’t the same as getting an MBA or something. It’s not like you’re going to graduate with your degree and get a job as a novelist. No, most likely you will face a lifetime of rejection and never make a dime. Because of this, it’s important to create a community that supports one another through the difficult times (of which there are plenty).
The subject of suicide and writers/poets is a difficult one. I am not going to delve into it now because people I know are struggling to come to terms with this tragedy and I don’t think it’s healthy to obsess over the larger issue of suicide and artistic people at this time, when emotions are so raw.
I’ve felt incredible sadness today over Liam’s passing, which surprises me a bit. I know it’s horrible for me to admit this right now, but I was never incredibly fond of him. I felt he was macho and that the writing program was very male-oriented in ways I found offensive. I spoke up about it, even if no one else did at the time. This was the only downside to what was, otherwise, a great experience for me. Let’s just leave it at that for now.
What I will say is that Liam successfully created a community for writers. I found friends at Bennington that are still part of my life today and that I hope will remain my friends for life — people I talk to everyday, dear friends, friends who understand me. It’s difficult for me to find friends like this, given that I’m such an oddball. Bennington also helped to set my life on a different course. I went through some horrible struggles during my time there — not related to Bennington, but just in my own life. But I persevered and my graduation from Bennington — and the love and support I got from the faculty and fellow students there — made me feel loved and accepted and respected in a way I’ve rarely experienced before. I had a few of the happiest moments of my life there, and that’s no exaggeration.
So thank you for creating a community that has been so important to my life, Liam. I hope you’ve found the peace that you were looking for. Godspeed.
Anglofille said @ 8:46 pm | literary |
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What a wonderful tribute! I’m still at a loss for words and found this posting to be very comforting.
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Jeannie Says:
August 16th, 2007 at 9:35 pmI’m thinking about Reetika and Lucy today too. I didn’t see this coming at all . . .
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There are so many people writing about Liam today; he touched so many lives.
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Lillie Says:
August 16th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
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Whoa, I had no idea. Thanks for the heads-up.
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Anita Says:
August 17th, 2007 at 8:46 pmThis is extremely difficult. I’m sitting here with my copy of “The Executive Director of the Fallen World,” brushing over the hand written note from Liam, my fingers trembling. Thanks for posting today. My email box is filled with tributes and memories of Liam that I can’t erase. Having them helps me feel connected to our community. The community Liam created. How can it be without him?
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Rebecca Says:
August 18th, 2007 at 5:37 amI’m very sorry to hear of the loss. I would have said “your loss” but it appears from your very moving tribute that it is more of a loss to the community as a whole, as well as a personal loss for so many.
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Reading his poetry now, much of it seems like a long good-bye, as I note in my post today as well.
