12 December, 2007 | Leave a Comment

I think it’s nearly impossible to go a single day in this city without eating a mini mince pie. In the past few weeks the amount of mincemeat I’ve personally eaten could fill Wembley Stadium. I’ve not purchased any mini mince pies myself, but rather they are crammed down my throat by others. Right about now I’m invited to lots of little end-of-the-year festivities and the invitation always states “wine and mince pies” or “cider and mince pies.” And if you don’t eat one, people stare at you as if you’re a communist. It’s not that I don’t like mincemeat (before I came here I thought mincemeat had actual meat in it) but as of today, December 12th, I have had my fill for the holiday season. For me, mincemeat is like egg nog — a little bit is enough.

Yet no matter what, mincemeat is impossible to escape.

Today I finished up teaching duties at the college where I work. I had to invigilate two exams. [When my boss told me I would be invigilating two exams, I played along but had no clue what he meant until I looked it up in the dictionary. You Brits and your crazy words. During the exam the Russians were whispering to each other in Russian, as if I'd think they were chatting about football and not giving each other the answers. Every few minutes I'd say SHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! with increasing venom, hissing like a snake. I should have just ripped up their exams and thrown them out of class but that would have resulted in too much extra paperwork for me.] Anyway, on the way home tonight I passed by a yummy bakery that had giant chocolate brownies in the window, which they were labeling “Boston Brownies.” By that point, I really needed a brownie. The guy working in the shop seemed as if he had been indulging in the Christmas spirits (if you know what I mean) and kept charging me the wrong amount. Finally I paid and he gave me back £2 extra in the change. I said, “Oops, you gave me too much change.” And he said, “Oh, you’re such a dear. Have this mini mince pie on the house.”

Noooooooo!!!!

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1. SpliceGirl Says:

   December 12th, 2007 at 8:58 pm

   Maybe the mincemeat pie is to England what the fruitcake is to the USA. But then the difference I guess is that people in England actually eat the mince pies whereas in the USA fruitcakes are viciously destroyed and givers of it are silently berated for their crappy inedible gift.

2. Gregory Says:

   December 13th, 2007 at 3:02 am

   Christmas cake is fruitcake here as well, it is sort of the Bengal famine mix for people who like sugar.

   One Christmas cake should feed the entire world for a month.

   Christmas cake should be like a tardis’ internal space enhancement but directed towards weight.

   For people who are not Dr. Who fans, the tardis (limitless) interior versus (tiny) exterior size is achieved by making the Tardis a gateway to a micro-universe.

3. korova Says:

   December 13th, 2007 at 1:46 pm

   People are always staring at me as if I’m a communist. Mince pie, or no mince pie.

4. Rebecca Says:

   December 13th, 2007 at 5:36 pm

   I’ve not yet had a mince pie… it seems menacing. Maybe because mince and menacing sound similarly in my brain. I’m not entirely sure.

5. Jack Says:

   December 15th, 2007 at 1:08 am

   The history of the mince pie is interesting. The origins did indeeed have minced animal meat, fruits and spices within a sweet pastry. Perhaps of Arabic origin..maybe brought back from the crusades? Sounds about right to me.

   As you know, suet is integral to a traditional English mince pie to this day. Fear not however, massed produced mince pies don’t have suet, only E numbers.

6. Jack Says:

   December 15th, 2007 at 1:28 am

   Splicegirl..You are totally right, however, as Anglofille has pointed out, mince pies are everywhere in England this time of year but, like a good fruitcake, it’s very hard to find the genuine article! (which is) Dried fruits soaked in brandy, suet, (oh yes, if the frogs can have goose fat, we can have suet)encased in either a melt in your mouth traditional shortcrust, or a puff pastry modern cop out. Serve warm with a dollop of clotted cream. I can’t wait!!

7. Gregory Says:

   December 15th, 2007 at 7:49 pm

   It is still apparently illegal to eat mince pies in England.

   It is like most Brit laws againt crime in general, they are not applied that often.

   http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7081038.stm

   I think the crusades thing might just be regular ye olde pastry.

   However, I suppose if spices were found as a factor of that particular war against devious Muslims and one had some exotic duty-free spices it was cool to show off.

   so a mince pie race in keeping up with the neigbors would replace rabbit & pheasant with stuff that cost money.

   The little star on top is just biblical, the three wise men etc.

   Matthew 2: 2:1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, “In the days of Herod the king

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