27 January, 2008 | 7 Comments

I predicted I would take a lot of photos in Paris last weekend, but I didn’t — well, not many good ones, anyway. It was completely overcast the whole time, with not even a tiny patch of blue sky or sun to be found:

The occasional flower shop (as seen at the top) provided the only brightness. One cannot take stellar photos of Paris without copious amounts of natural light — it’s just not possible. Still, it’s not like I don’t already have 10,000 photos of Paris. Plus, the weather was quite balmy. It was even possible to walk around without a coat for some of the time, which was nice.

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26 January, 2008 | 3 Comments

As long as they gaze on Waterloo sunset

They are in paradise.

—-”Waterloo Sunset,” The Kinks

Here is my first official Waterloo Sunset of 2008. Yes, my obsession has continued into the New Year. I’ve been down to Waterloo Bridge several times in the past few weeks, but the sun was hiding from me until today. I’ve decided to number my Waterloo Sunsets for 2008 and give them titles. I’ve called this one “Ink Stained.” The sky looked inky today and I thought, given my crippling writer’s block, it was a fitting title.

The wind was so strong on the bridge that I almost dropped my camera into the Thames, but it was worth it. Gazing on Waterloo Sunset always makes me feel better. I still can’t write, but I feel a little bit more alive.

Tomorrow I’ll post about Paris!

25 January, 2008 | 4 Comments

One of the great things about doing a PhD in creative writing is that you can email your supervisor and tell him/her that you haven’t produced anything since Christmas because you have writer’s block. You can then add that you have lost all your confidence, that you feel your writing sucks and that you’re desperately unhappy about it.

If you’re going to law school or doing a PhD in economics or something like that, you’d never send such a note to anyone in your department. If you did, you’d likely never be able to show your face again. But that’s the great thing about being a creative writer — it’s acceptable to admit you’re filled with angst and having a meltdown over your work. Writers aren’t expected to be normal and well-adjusted. Plus, these people are reading my novel, which is filled with weird sh*t; some of it comes from my life and some of it is completely made up, but it still comes from my brain — it’s like my thoughts and feelings and fears and desires laid bare. Being a writer of literary fiction means being exposed in all sorts of uncomfortable ways.  It can be embarrassing.  Since they’ve seen me exposed already, why pretend that everything is okay when it’s not? It’s not like this is a normal professional/academic relationship. Being open about my state of mind is all part of the continuing humiliation I must endure as a writer.

Though I can admit I have writer’s block and joke about it, it’s really quite painful to go through. What I mean by writer’s block is not that I can’t write at all (obviously I’m writing this) but that I can’t access my creative self in any real way and that’s what I need to write at the level required by a novel. Writing a novel isn’t just about putting words on the page — it’s about putting a whole world on the page. It’s creating a world through words, a world that only exists in the writer’s mind. I was doing well before Christmas and I think the holidays were the problem. I got out of my routine and lost the spark I had. Also, it’s January and I never function well during this, the cruelest month. I know I’ll get through this drought, but that doesn’t make it any easier to live with day by day. This morning I was curled up in a ball on my bed. Not being able to write feels like an ache, like a physical pain. I wish it would go away.

22 January, 2008 | 5 Comments

Apparently, the Associated Press has already written Britney Spears’s obituary. While it’s common for news organizations to write obituaries for famous people while they’re still alive, rarely is it ever done for someone under the age of 30. You may be shocked by this, but I actually feel sorry for Britney Spears. I think the odds are pretty good that she will kill herself at some point. Glad the AP is prepared.

In other celebrity news, Heath Ledger RIP.

22 January, 2008 | 6 Comments

I spent the rest of my trip home in North Carolina. My parents have a little place there now near Asheville and they will eventually relocate to NC permanently. During this last part of the trip, I was in my pajamas sitting on the sofa for most of the time, which is exactly what I wanted to be doing.

One of the great things about the Southern U.S. is the food and in particular (at least for me) the breakfasts. Southern breakfasts are the ultimate comfort food: Warm biscuits, gravy, grits, eggs. What I wouldn’t give for a plate of that right now! My maternal grandfather was from Alabama and he loved to cook; I grew up eating biscuits and gravy and grits — the works. There’s nothing like it.

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21 January, 2008 | 2 Comments

Back from Paris. Exhausted. Journey from St. Pancras noticeably shorter. Thank heavens.

Grandmother hanging in there.

Court hearing this morning. “Everything was fine,” my lawyer just sent via email. Must wait one month for judge’s decision.

Brought home macarons. From Ladurée.

18 January, 2008 | 4 Comments

I am off to Paris for le weekend.  I’m leading a group of 20+ students.  Fun fun!  I must be honest and admit I’m not looking forward to this trip.  Quite coincidentally, my court case is on Monday (which I will not attend) and now my grandmother is seriously ill in the hospital, which is always tough when one lives so far away.   So I have a lot on my mind and I’d rather stay home, but that’s not possible.  As the French say, on y va!

18 January, 2008 | Comments

After my whirlwind visit to NYC, I Amtrak’d it down to DC.  [There's the phallic Washington Monument shrouded in fog.]  I must say that Amtrak is nicer than that horrific Eurostar. I arrived at the wondrous Union Station:

I went to DC because that is where I planned to meet my parents. They still live in The Place That Cannot Be Named, but we planned to spend the holidays in North Carolina. They know how much I hate flying, so instead of making me catch a flight from NYC during the Christmas rush, we decided to meet in DC and then drive to NC. Yes, I am a diva. What else is new?

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16 January, 2008 | 4 Comments

As I’ve already written, I spent my birthday in New York City. It’s only about an hour on the commuter rail from William’s house. I had about 24 hours in Gotham, which was plenty. I find NYC to be overwhelming and intense. How I lived there for five years I’ll never know.

First things first, we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. This was my brilliant idea. It was pretty damn cold. The pedestrian footpath goes down the middle of the bridge, above the roadway, so there’s no leaning over the side of the bridge and looking into the water (or possibly jumping off). Walking across London’s bridges is much preferable, but still, given how steeped in history the Brooklyn Bridge is, it was a bit of a thrill. I already posted my favorite photo of the bridge. There were wind-swept views of the Manhattan skyline:

And of the Statue of Liberty:

As I articulated the last time I was in NYC, the absence of the Twin Towers from the skyline of lower Manhattan fills me with grief.

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15 January, 2008 | 3 Comments

I think it’s time I finish writing about my trip home in more detail. Later this week I’m going to Paris and you know that means — beaucoup de photos! If I don’t finish going through the photos from my American trip now, I’ll never get to them.

One of the most noteworthy aspects of my trip home was that I didn’t experience any culture shock really. I hadn’t been home for over a year, but once I got there it felt as if I’d never left. Likewise, when I came back to London nothing seemed foreign. I guess this is a good sign. Of course, my trip was a bit of a whirlwind, so it’s possible I didn’t have time to relax for long enough to even register that I was in a different country.

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13 January, 2008 | 4 Comments

Is it just me or is French President Nicolas Sarkozy beginning to behave like Britney Spears? He seems to be having some sort of bizarre personal crisis/meltdown that he’s flaunting before the world’s media. He has no dignity.

11 January, 2008 | 9 Comments

I’m already sick of election coverage and it’s only January 11th. Sigh. I’m also…sick, but then who isn’t sick right now?

Most of the election coverage on both sides of the Atlantic has been barf-inducing and breaks down roughly as follows:

Obama = America’s only hope for change, an Oprah-endorsed modern-day Jesus, the answer to all of our prayers

Hillary = bitch

I think that about sums it up, at least observing it from over here. It’s been sickening.

Yesterday the Times, also known as The Misogynist Times, featured a front-page headline about Hillary’s New Hampshire victory that said ‘Liberated’ - Women voters seize the day. The print version featured a very unflattering and creepy photo of two fiftysomething white women embracing in happiness. The headline and cover image had the feel of a horror movie about it and you know what, I love it! There’s tons of coverage like this all over the place and what it represents is the worst nightmare of The Patriarchy™. It’s fun to watch them squirm. The fact that women might use their collective power as voters — finally — is scaring the hell out of them. They dreaded this day and they are wetting their panties in fear. This is why a vote for Hillary is so great. It’s a vote to f–k them up.

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9 January, 2008 | 9 Comments

9 January, 2008 | Comments

…that I have a blog. It’s just that I’m unable to write much of anything right now. E-mails, blog posts, my novel…zilch. The words have flown away like little birds and I’m not sure when they’re coming back. They will come back. I’m not worried about that. Right now, however, they are missing in action. This happens from time to time. It sucks.

In lieu of any real content, I leave you with my thought for the day:

Go Hillary go!

6 January, 2008 | 2 Comments

Brooklyn Bridge, originally uploaded by Anglofille.

On my birthday, we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. It was really cold, but then New York Harbor in December tends to be that way.

4 January, 2008 | 5 Comments

I spent my birthday in New York City and my birthday wish was to see the sunset. (Yes, it was my birthday wish. I’m a loser.) Given that it was December 21st, it was quite dreary and overcast, but I was satisfied with what I got. All of these photos were taken from the top of 30 Rock. More on NYC soon!

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3 January, 2008 | 1 Comment

I mentioned in an earlier post that my identity had been revealed on the internet by accident. The problem was temporarily fixed…but now it’s back again. And you know, I don’t have high hopes that it will ever be truly fixed; at this point, it’s like trying to un-ring a bell. The damage is done and it’s not the first time something like this has happened.  My name is not common, which means if a person searches for me in Google, they’ll find my blog quite easily — hence the worry. I never intended for this blog to be linked to my real name. Anyway, my gut tells me I need to protect myself in other ways now because I’ve been a bit reckless. I’ve hastily deleted sections of certain posts (which I hate to do) and put password protection on others. I’m just doing what I can right now until I figure out a better plan. Given my lack of sleep, that may take a while!

3 January, 2008 | 5 Comments

Today I went to a shop to buy a sandwich. I paid for my food, but then the guy behind the counter gave me a bottle of water and other stuff for free because, he said, he likes my smile and wants me to come back again. I know, I know — barf. The problem is that I’ve been feeling a bit loopy and giggly and unhinged the past few days and I think he thought I was flirting with him, which I may have been doing inadvertently. [I'm sure I don't need to point out that this guy was not British or even European. I'm sure I also don't need to point out that he asked if I was American before giving me the free stuff. Lots of foreign pervs love American women. I blame Hollywood.] Anyway, note to self: Never return to that shop again.

The reason for my loopiness the past few days can be described in two words: jet. lag. I’ve been back in the UK for four nights and have probably slept soundly for a total of 16 hours. I have absolutely no clue what day of the week it is right now. None at all. Someone help me. Please.

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