4 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Tonight I feel like an unlovable hideous freak. I am starting to believe that I am actually unlovable, that I have some sort of defect, that I should return myself to the shop and exchange myself for a newer, better version. The universe keeps sending me this message. I think I’ve gotten it by now. Loud and clear. Thanksverymuch.
I don’t know why I bother.
Tonight I read some poetry. This is one of my favorite poems. It takes my breath away, always.
“Accidents of Birth”
–William Meredith
Spared by a car — or airplane-crash or
cured of malignancy, people look
around with new eyes at a newly
praiseworthy world, blinking eyes like these.
For I’ve been brought back again from the
fine silt, the mud where our atoms lie
down for long naps. And I’ve also been
pardoned miraculously for years
by the lava of chance which runs down
the world’s gullies, silting us back.
Here I am, brought back, set up, not yet
happened away.
But it’s not this random
life only, throwing its sensual
astonishments upside down on
the bloody membranes behind my eyeballs,
not just me being here again, old
needer, looking for someone to need,
but you, up from the clay yourself,
as luck would have it, and inching
over the same little segment of earth-
ball, in the same little eon, to
meet in a room, alive in our skins,
and the whole galaxy gaping there
and the centuries whining like gnats —
you, to teach me to see it, to see
it with you, and to offer somebody
uncomprehending, impudent thanks.
Anglofille said @ 12:25 am | literary |
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daniela Says:
February 4th, 2008 at 7:29 amhey, why that? why unlovable? you sound pretty lovable to me! you are intelligent, sensitive, talented (even if it is not why people love people, what i am trying to say is that if you think you are not lovable for any other reasons…). but anyway, you sound like a fun friend to have, why are you feeling like this?
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Great poem - have never read any of his work before, but this really spoke to me this morning as I sat down in my office and wondered what the point was. P
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Gadfleye Says:
February 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pmThe universe is a random and meaningless place and it does not know what it is talking about. DO NOT listen to the universe. You are lovable if you believe it in your heart. Stop living in your head. Easier said than done. I am still working on this one myself.
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I dunno. You seem pretty spiffy to me and I know my stepbro adores you.
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Wow- that’s some poem. I’m printing it out so I can always have it- but it’s not a positive one though! But the words are so real within.
But don’t exchange yourself for the newer, better version. I always prefer the classics! And that’s who you are to me!
Never forget that! XO, W- -
SpliceGirl Says:
February 4th, 2008 at 8:20 pmThey are opening a Sprinkles Cupcakes in London. That should make ANYBODY happy! Use this knowledge for good, not evil, and let it warm your heart…who needs to be lovable when you have cupcakes to buy OR who ISN’T lovable while they’re HAVING a cupcake…?
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London boy in Kansas Says:
February 5th, 2008 at 5:24 pmsome days the hammer and chisel of life hit harder than others. what is important is that we persevere. so that from a distance, along with our friends we can see the beauty that it creates.
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Rebecca Says:
February 6th, 2008 at 5:09 pmDon’t listen to the Universe, it’s full of rubbish. If you were unlovable or somehow unlikable, I wouldn’t have been reading your blog for the past year!
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Gregory Says:
February 6th, 2008 at 9:24 pmQuestioning what the point is can be a mistake if one concludes there isn’t one, it is a negative vibe thing.
I think Christa Päffgen was a bit like that, she had this problem with being something, with being beautiful I suppose..
I belong to an era when one didn’t have anything to say and I can prefectly relate that to a problem with being something.
I can’t jolly to negativity, I’ve bought about a dozen of Anglofille’s reading list, if I’m taking a wrong turn here, I want a nudge!
I only back winners.
;o))
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mindy Says:
February 6th, 2008 at 10:12 pmI just found your blog and already love it.
someone emailed me this joke not to long ago and somehow, i thought, it’s absurdly apropos here (maybe?)…
voted the best scottish short joke:
a bloke walks into a glasgow library, and says to the prim librarian, ‘excuse me miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?’to which she stops her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, ‘f*ck off, ye’ll no bring it back!’
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gorgeous poem. Big knot in throat, leaky about the eyes…
