8 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Thanks for all the comments you left on my previous post (and for the e-mails and IMs and phone calls). You are all so kind to me and honestly, I was really touched and moved to tears. Thank you. I’m also pleased that people liked the Meredith poem, which is one of my favorites.

As you might imagine, the morning after my post I regretted it. That post may have seemed like a shameless plea for sympathy, but that wasn’t the impetus behind it. I was experiencing some intense emotions and I just wanted to write them down and send them out into the universe. I didn’t know how else to deal with what I was experiencing at that moment. Sometimes I feel the need to put my deepest darkest vulnerabilities into words — it’s not pleasant, but it helps me.

Anyway, it’s difficult for me to write more about this here. I just had a difficult January too, with not being able to focus on my work and feeling at loose ends. January is always tough for me, so I’m not surprised I struggled so much but still, I didn’t expect to plunge into such a bleak mood this past weekend. I am feeling a lot better now though. I need to force myself back into my PhD work, which is what I’m doing today. I am trying to be sociable too. Yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend, then was invited to a friend’s flat for tea after dinner, then I went to a pub where a certain wicked boy made me drink strawberry-flavored beer from Belgium. Normally I can’t even stomach the smell of beer, but this strawberry stuff tasted like fruit punch. Yum. With everything else that’s been happening, I thought I might as well take up drinking.

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1. daniela Says:

   February 8th, 2008 at 6:10 pm

   what a relief that you are moving back into shape. hey, beer is nice, glad you have tried a nice one. life is really too short - and this is not a cliché -, and i guess it helps to say ‘yes’ to small things sometimes.
   all the very best

2. Anne Says:

   February 8th, 2008 at 8:07 pm

   Looking forward to seeing you in London in May! That “wicked boy” is a guardian angel. My favorite is Framboise:

   http://www.merchantduvin.com/pages/5_breweries/lindemans.html

3. Aldor Says:

   February 8th, 2008 at 10:57 pm

   Glad to see you back, Anglo, and with better feelings.

4. Rebecca Says:

   February 8th, 2008 at 11:00 pm

   If you are referring to the strawberry beer at Porterhouse, I fully agree. TASTY!

   I’m leaving for Paris tomorrow for 4 days! Any recommendations?

5. Lillie Says:

   February 9th, 2008 at 1:40 am

   Glad you’re in better spirits!

6. Anta Says:

   February 9th, 2008 at 2:08 am

   That beer sounds awful! Glad you’re feeling better.

7. Gregory Says:

   February 10th, 2008 at 8:08 pm

   January is too many frozen mornings, I got to the nuff-know stage on Poe.

   I’m reluctant to buy into poetry that’s divorced from exhibitionism, or maybe, deep down inside, I’m just too dumb to be a New Englander.

   Stick to photos of leaves.

   I think even, those of us who pretended we didn’t have any friends, at times wanted a magic wand to make somebody feel better.

8. Gadfleye Says:

   February 11th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

   Sigh…To open oneself up to another human being can be a risky venture, one must allow oneself to be vulnerable to the possibility of pain.

   I like winter, everything is laid bare in winter - the trees shed their leaves and the landscape becomes a sea of subtle shades of gray. Winter is an honest season.

   Strawberry-flavored beer from Belgium sounds heavenly!

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