12 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment
I know I haven’t been blogging much lately and when I do blog, the content has been a tad on the melancholy side. This post isn’t necessarily much different. My apologies in advance.
–Jamaican taxi driver to me, after I handed him his fare: “Cheers, baby.” I’ve never heard that before, but I like it.
–I finally made it to the Ladurée in Harrods. Unlike in Paris, there was no queue out the door, no pushing and shoving, no macaron-starved mob behaving like the cast of Les Miserables. Unfortunately, the London branch is more expensive. [London more expensive? Mais non! C'est impossible!] I heard the macarons are flown in from Monaco each day. Screw the environment. I bought a box of macarons that I had to ship across the Atlantic. Yes, I’m serious. I’m such a sucker. But I’m pleased to report the macarons here taste the same as the ones in Paris. If they didn’t taste the same, that would be a crisis on par with Afghanistan or some such.
–Tonight I spent two hours outside in the cold discussing J.M. Coetzee’s novel Foe. Has anyone read this? I want to write more about it, but I’m not sure I can articulate my views yet. I’ve read three Coetzee novels recently. Foe is often described as a feminist novel, but given what I know of Coetzee’s work and the way he writes women, I don’t know if I’d call it that.
–Poor Anglofille is ill. I have a chest cold. While it’s fun having a voice like Lauren Bacall’s, I have to be very careful with chest colds. I had double pneumonia a couple years ago and the doctor said whenever I get a chest cold I should be on antibiotics as a preventative measure, but I’ll give it a couple days. After all, I know more than someone who went to medical school. (ahem.) I’m doped up on the Tylenol Cold I brought from home, plus Ricola. Ri-co-la! I’m hoping this does the trick. On Wednesday and Thursday I need to assess my students’ presentations and I really can’t afford to have a coughing fit. I only have about ten presentations to sit through. Sigh.
–Meanwhile, in other news, the other day I drank a fruit smoothie that I think was laced with Ecstasy or crystal meth. They put these herbal supplements in the smoothies to help with brain power or some such, but a few hours after I drank it I began to have heart palpitations and my hands were trembling. This lasted for more than 24 hours. Then last night I woke up and had this horrible feeling I was going to die. Now, you might be wondering what sets this apart from any normal day for me, but I can assure you something freaky was happening. And the person who had a smoothie with me experienced weird symptoms too. Tonight someone suggested that perhaps our bodies simply had a bad reaction to eating healthy food — all that fresh fruit and vitamins was a shock to the system. Hmmm, that’s actually a possibility.
–Upon describing my symptoms to my male dinner companions in the dining hall this evening, I was told that perhaps I will end up dead like Heath Ledger and that this would be a good thing. There are often jokes about me being dead, about how no one would cry or even be sad if this happened, about how they would break into my room upon my demise to steal my American passport, my laptop and books. You may think I’m making this up, but I’m not. Perhaps man-boys find this sort of thing funny, but I don’t. So you can f–k off. Lately I’ve been having some of those “this is your life” moments and I’m wondering how I ended up in this environment at this age. It’s not always easy. There are moments when I want to weep for the life I could — or should — be having right now. The end of my PhD seems so far away. There are lots of benefits to this existence, don’t get me wrong, but I have to acknowledge that this is not a normal life for someone over the age of 30 and that it can often result in adolescence revisited. I’m doing this for my writing — for the academic credential too, of course, but mostly for my writing. So have I been working on my novel? Yes, I’ve been revising and rewriting the chapter I wrote before Christmas. It’s going very slowly. My confidence in my writing is badly shaken, though I don’t know why. No one has said anything bad about my writing; on the contrary, I’ve received a lot of praise for the chapters I’ve produced this year. I have meetings over the next couple weeks with my supervisors, so I have solid deadlines to work towards, which is essential for me. I’ve sacrificed so much for this that I really need to keep my eye on the prize.
–And finally, today in Waitrose I saw bouquets of pink ranunculus for sale. Be. Still. My. Heart. They were absolutely stunning but they cost £9.99 ($20). I’m not sure if I can justify spending that much money on flowers right now. Yet another philosophical issue for me to wrestle with.
Anglofille said @ 12:52 am | personal |
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Seb Says:
February 12th, 2008 at 1:09 amWhoever wants you dead surely doesn’t know how much he hurts your feelings with that. Otherwise it would just be respectless and shouldn’t be tolerated by you. Anyway I am still looking forward to read your novel.
Since I have heard (from a respectable source) that you are a really great writer, I would also love to read something short by you, if you give it away… -
daniela Says:
February 12th, 2008 at 9:45 amlet’s say that if the flowers will make you happy, keep you beautiful company, they are worth every penny. ten pounds will not break the bank. i know it is a rip off but if we think like this in london we never do anything. now i am curious to read this novel - foe. and curiousity is building up about your novel too. going through a writer’s block and a confidence crisis when doing such a demanding PHd is so normal, anglophille. the other day, at work, somebody wrote on the blackboard: embrace disorder. maybe something will happen later. very soon. all best,
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Just wait til after V-Day to buy the flowers - they’ll be much cheaper.
I was thinking of dropping hints that I want a bouquet of white ranunculus and orange freesias.
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Seb: Thank you. You know I wasn’t including you in my description of the bratty boys, right?
Daniela: Your comments always make me feel better!
Vol: That bouquet sounds lovely. I hope the ViL can handle it.
