30 September, 2008 | 3 Comments

Here are a couple more pictures from my trip to Brighton a few weeks ago.  The train ride to Brighton takes less than an hour, but my ticket cost £26 (around $50).  This was an off-peak fare.  Too bad it’s so pricey, because Brighton would be a nice play to escape to now and then for a day trip.

Like most beach towns, Brighton has a trashy side.  Still, the beach is lovely and there are many good restaurants and boutiques.  I stayed at the Queen’s Hotel, which is right on the beach across from the pier.  One night at 4:00 a.m. the fire alarm went off.  It was terrifying to be woken up like that, then having to traipse downstairs and into the cold and windy street.  The only other time I’ve ever been in a hotel when the fire alarm went off was after my college graduation when I stayed with my parents at The Plaza in NYC.

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24 September, 2008 | 3 Comments

Watch Rep. Marcy Kaptur speaking in the U.S. Congress.  She’s awesome.

21 September, 2008 | 8 Comments

I was seriously considering taking a break from blogging.  I experienced a bit of a personal crisis over the past couple weeks, since my grandmother’s death.  I’m still not entirely sure what to make of it and I certainly cannot write about it.  I’m in the middle of a strange, unsettled period right now.  But the term starts this week and I need to focus my energies on my studies and getting back to normal everyday life.  Instead of taking a break from blogging, I’ll just take a break from writing about my personal dramas.

A couple weeks ago I went to Paris.  Seems like a lifetime ago now.  I already published two photos from the trip, but thought I’d publish a few more.  I fancied going back to Paris in October, my absolute favorite month in Paris, but upon my departure, the immigration officer saw that my visa expires on 31 October and told me I shouldn’t risk leaving the UK again because I could be denied entry back into the country.  This, plus the recent Chunnel fire, means I won’t be going to Paris in October.  Not that I could afford it — it costs £300 ($550) to renew my visa.

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20 September, 2008 | 1 Comment

I’m not sure what to say, really.

I’m trying to understand the past couple weeks.  A lot has changed.  I don’t have the language for it yet.

Anglofille turned three this week.  I’ve been living abroad for three years now. I decided to buy some flowers and put them on my windowsill.

14 September, 2008 | Comments are off

…committed suicide.  Bummer.

“…There is this existential loneliness in the real world. I don’t know what you’re thinking or what it’s like inside you and you don’t know what it’s like inside me. In fiction I think we can leap over that wall itself in a certain way… There’s a kind of Ah-ha! Somebody at least for a moment feels about something or sees something the way that I do. It doesn’t happen all the time. It’s these brief flashes or flames, but I get that sometimes. I feel unalone — intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. I feel human and unalone and that I’m in a deep, significant conversation with another consciousness in fiction and poetry in a way that I don’t with other art.”

-David Foster Wallace, 1962 – 2008, quoted in Salon.

P.S. I am back in London Town now.  Will catch up on e-mail and everything else soon…I hope.

11 September, 2008 | 5 Comments

Sunset tonight, Brighton, England.

I wanted to take a pretty picture for my mom’s birthday today. Happy Birthday, Maman! I know it’s a difficult week to have a birthday, but try to enjoy the day if you can. xoxo

Thanks to everyone who has left comments and sent emails. Even though I haven’t been replying, I just want to let you know that I really appreciate this outpouring of love and sympathy. It means more than you know.

I’ve gone away for a few days to Brighton. I think it’s true that there’s something restorative about the sea air. My grandmother grew up in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and she really loved it there. Her stories about the city, and particularly the famous boardwalk, were a big part of my childhood. Brighton is like the British equivalent of Atlantic City, so that’s why I decided to come here.

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9 September, 2008 | 10 Comments

My grandmother died today.  She isn’t suffering anymore and she was ready to die, so for her this was the best thing.  Of course I am upset and it’s even more difficult because I am so far away from home. I hadn’t seen my grandmother for two years.  The last time I saw her in the nursing home, she cried when we said goodbye.  She said we would never see one another again.  She was right.

I was very close to my mom’s parents and now they are both dead.  My grandfather has been dead for ten years, my grandmother for less than 24 hours.  That generation of my family is gone, plus my uncle, and it’s a strange feeling.  They were such a big part of my life, especially in my childhood and adolescence and during that time in my twenties when I went to live at home.  They were part of my universe, like the sun and the stars and the clouds, and when I was a girl I could have never imagined that life could go on without them.

A part of me has died with each of them. A part of me has died today. That’s the hardest thing to bear.

7 September, 2008 | 5 Comments

Life and death, on my mind.

I’ve had a crappy week.  Too many people close to me are in pain.

My grandmother is dying.  I feel bad that I can’t see her.  I feel bad that she is suffering so much.  It’s never easy, leaving this life.

One of my dear friends from home was in ICU for part of the week.  He’s lucky to be alive, but he’s got a long road to recovery.

Another dear friend from home is suffering great personal anguish.

Perhaps it’s no surprise that on Thursday, I could not really get out of bed.  I’ve mentioned before that I have some tummy problems, which are worsened by stress.  For most of this week I was sick and in pain — sometimes doubled over in pain.

It hasn’t helped that it’s rainier here than in the heart of the Amazon.  Dark all day long too.  Permanent dusk.

I’ve tried to find a sympathetic ear around here, but no luck.  People I know round these parts either don’t really care or are too wrapped up in their own problems to worry about anyone else.  If you tell them your problems, they try to “one up” you, as if this is a game.  “Oh, you have a problem?  Well, that’s nothing compared to…”  You know, I try to be a nice person.  In the past, when people have had problems, I’ve bought them little treats or given them a card.  [Is this too American?]  There is no one around here who would EVER do anything like that for me.  I don’t write this so you’ll feel sorry for me.  That’s not the point.  It’s just that at times like this, you realize who you friends are…and aren’t.  Perhaps at times like this, you realize you don’t have any friends, at least not on this little island.

Anyway, I’m feeling low.  I hate to think of people I love being in pain.

On top of everything else, I need to psyche myself up for the start of term.  Not really sure how I’m going to do that.

2 September, 2008 | 4 Comments

Two questions: How many children does John McCain have?  How many children does Joe Biden have?

I ask because I don’t have a clue.  I know John McCain has a daughter named Meghan, but I’m guessing there are more McCains out there.  If so, I wonder why we don’t see photos of them or read about their lives.  Is John McCain a grandfather?  I imagine that he is.  Funny that no one ever writes about this.  Same goes for Biden.

Contrast this with Sarah Palin.  In just four days since she’s been nominated for VP, I know how many children she has.  I know all their names and ages.  I know what they look like.  And now with the front-page news of her daughter’s pregnancy, the sex life of a 17-year-old girl is a topic of national conversation. In just four days.

I wonder: Does Barack Obama feel torn about campaigning non-stop, which means less time spent with his two young daughters?

I haven’t a clue.  No one out there in the media seems to worry that the two young Obama girls don’t see their dad very much.  This question doesn’t keep people up at night.  Funny, then, that the question of whether Sarah Palin can campaign with a baby in tow has become a campaign issue in just four days.  She is portrayed as a baby-making machine and reduced to her ovaries, rather than a politician like the other candidates.

The story of Sarah Palin is just more evidence that Americans have a difficult time dealing with women in positions of power.  Coming off the primaries, where Hillary Clinton was the target of a shockingly misogynistic campaign that has torn the Democratic party in two, we are now in the general election and another woman is being treated differently from the men, only now a teenage girl has been dragged into it as well.  It’s clear that when it comes to women, the media and the public can only think of us as wives, mothers, sluts, sex objects, crime victims, pop stars, actresses and models.  Beyond that, there is no template.  We are in uncharted territory and many people have shown they cannot rise to the challenge.

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