7 September, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Life and death, on my mind.
I’ve had a crappy week. Too many people close to me are in pain.
My grandmother is dying. I feel bad that I can’t see her. I feel bad that she is suffering so much. It’s never easy, leaving this life.
One of my dear friends from home was in ICU for part of the week. He’s lucky to be alive, but he’s got a long road to recovery.
Another dear friend from home is suffering great personal anguish.
Perhaps it’s no surprise that on Thursday, I could not really get out of bed. I’ve mentioned before that I have some tummy problems, which are worsened by stress. For most of this week I was sick and in pain — sometimes doubled over in pain.
It hasn’t helped that it’s rainier here than in the heart of the Amazon. Dark all day long too. Permanent dusk.
I’ve tried to find a sympathetic ear around here, but no luck. People I know round these parts either don’t really care or are too wrapped up in their own problems to worry about anyone else. If you tell them your problems, they try to “one up” you, as if this is a game. “Oh, you have a problem? Well, that’s nothing compared to…” You know, I try to be a nice person. In the past, when people have had problems, I’ve bought them little treats or given them a card. [Is this too American?] There is no one around here who would EVER do anything like that for me. I don’t write this so you’ll feel sorry for me. That’s not the point. It’s just that at times like this, you realize who you friends are…and aren’t. Perhaps at times like this, you realize you don’t have any friends, at least not on this little island.
Anyway, I’m feeling low. I hate to think of people I love being in pain.
On top of everything else, I need to psyche myself up for the start of term. Not really sure how I’m going to do that.
Anglofille said @ 3:18 am | personal |
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Sorry to hear about all of the sadness. I think watching/knowing the people you love suffer is the worst of all. Of course it’s taking a toll on you. How could it not? Remember when you’re taking care of them, over the phone & over e-mail, to also take care of you.Sorry things are rough.
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ang04 Says:
September 8th, 2008 at 2:34 amI’m sorry to hear it too.
It may seem impossible, at times like this, but maybe all this new age mumbo jumbo about thinking positive attracting positive enrergy might help?
I know it’s the worst, when your sick with no family around, and no one to make you at least some chicken soup, etc.
Maybe thinking about your recent holiday trip may help?
From a fellow single female, living alone in the big city too.
Cheers.
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Daniela Says:
September 8th, 2008 at 3:06 pmhey.
london can be a very lonely place. and I guess it takes a long, a very long time, for friendships to take shape, to be classified either as friendships or friendly acquaintances.
anyway: if one of these days you want to meet for a coffee, let us know. no pressure, just if you feel curious and at ease with the idea. I am quite busy until mid-october - dissertation deadline, zzzzzzz - but after that. no neeed to reply just if you feel like - I know how you feel suspicious about things like this, and it is your right to be so.
on the bad news - I hope you friend gets better and that your grandmother goes through all this with dignity and less suffering as possible. i can only imagine how horrible it must be for you to be away now. i was away when my died - and also when my mum died.
all the very best, -
I’m sorry things seem a bit bleak at the moment. London can be hard- when you and I were trying to meet up year plus ago the timing just didn’t work out. (I’d invited you to meet a gaggle of women I’d never met before for an American meetup at a Mexican… Think you said something about not liking Americans in London- lol)
If you would like to try and meet up again, I’m up for it. I’m off to Seattle for 10 days tomorrow, but maybe when I get back?
I know it’s the nature of the blog that we just read about the big highs and the bigger lows. I hope that there is more middle stuff that we aren’t seeing.
Go do something for yourself that makes you happy. Take your self on a little date. I love zoo at Battersea Park as a suggestion.
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Thanks ladies. I really appreciate these kind comments very much. Thank you.
Daniella and Nicole, I would like to get together soon. I will be in touch.
But I could never see the point of tuna and sweet corn...
