3 April, 2009 | Leave a Comment

This afternoon I had a rather upsetting experience.  I went out to run a quick errand and as I was walking down the street, a guy walked up beside me and said something very rude about my appearance.  I was stunned that he would say something like this to me and before I could think of a response, he walked on by.  This man was drawing quite a bit of attention to himself as he walked – he was walking down the sidewalk as if on a fashion catwalk, swinging his hips back and forth and singing along to his iPod.  Interestingly, as this guy was walking down the street, a man who passed by him called him “ugly.”  Clearly this man, being so flamboyant, is subjected to a lot of street harassment, which makes it all the more puzzling that he, in turn, would harass me with his vicious comment.

As I reached my destination a few minutes later, I was surprised to see this guy standing outside a nearby building talking on his mobile phone.  I hesitated for a moment and then I decided to confront him.  I have never done anything like this before, but I walked up to him and said very loudly:

“Excuse me?  What gives you the right to speak to me that way?”  He had headphones in his ears and was pretending to ignore me, but I could tell he felt very uncomfortable.

So I continued: “It’s surprises me that anyone as horrifically ugly as you would dare to criticize another person’s appearance.”

He appeared stunned that I was saying this.  He said, “I think you look fabulous.”  It was a crowded sidewalk and other people were stopping and listening.

Then I shouted at him, “F–k off.  And if you ever come near me again or ever say anything to me again, I will call the police.”  And then I walked off.

After this I was shaking but soon calmed down.  I am so glad I told this guy off.  It was a liberating experience. Instead of taking his comment and internalizing it, I threw it right back in his face.  Street harassment is a fact of life in a big city, but today I decided not to be passive.  Maybe he’ll think twice next time before he insults someone.  I realize that it can be dangerous to confront a stranger like this, but it was broad daylight on a crowded sidewalk, so I felt safe.

This is a side of myself I’ve never seen before – but I like it!

1. Comments RSS

1. Ken Says:

   April 3rd, 2009 at 7:20 pm

   Wow, Anglofille, who’s better than you?

   Seriously, I don’t question your judgment that it felt safe. What that man did and said to you was way out of bounds.

   I would be flexible about using that approach in, say, Manhattan when you come home. Our fellow countrymen are much more heavily armed than the Brits.

2. Anglofille Says:

   April 3rd, 2009 at 9:12 pm

   I would be more careful in NYC. Actually, I’ve had a couple scary incidents here in the past with men who I knew were likely violent and I did not say anything back out of fear. But today, this guy was clearly just being bitchy and mean, rather than being threatening. So I just launched at him. It was awesome.

3. Ken Says:

   April 3rd, 2009 at 10:42 pm

   I know the feeling. One night in 1975 I was sitting at a bar, nursing a drink, minding my own business, when the local drunk starting ragging on me. I told him to knock it off, and he wouldn’t. So after about ten monutes, I just turned around and socked him on the jaw. Knocked him senseless. It was really a sucker punch.

   I couldn’t believe I did that. It was so out of character.

4. Anne Says:

   April 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 pm

   Good for you!

5. ang04 Says:

   April 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm

   Actually even in NYC big idiots tend to slink off embarrassed when confronted back in public. I’m an Asian, 5′2″ and youngish woman, and I get blunt comments thrown at me every once in a while. I guess they think I am the weeker sex…

   But, I hope your visit is a very pleasant one.

6. Caroline Says:

   April 4th, 2009 at 7:42 pm

   Hmmm…interesting..I have actually found London streets more threatening than NY ones. London has more rude drunk people afoot.

   Anglofille, I am really glad you confronted that freak. Maybe he’ll think twice before opening his piehole and annoying blameless strangers.

7. ang04 Says:

   April 6th, 2009 at 2:01 am

   oops. the wEAker sex. can’t spell when I’m indignant.

   I too am glad you stood up to him.

8. Anglofille Says:

   April 6th, 2009 at 1:06 pm

   thanks ladies! xx