18 April, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I never expected such a flood of comments to my Susan Boyle post. Thanks to everyone who commented – I had intended to wade in and respond to some of the comments, but then they just kept piling up. I really don’t understand why Susan Boyle has launched this trans-Atlantic craze. Perhaps people are happy to see someone who looks like them on television? That must be part of it.
In other news, I have no motivation at all. I’m not getting any writing done and barely any reading. Total lethargy has set in. Usually in the spring, I am bursting with energy, but right now…not so much. I’m in a rut. I’m also on the verge of a big change (moving out of this place in two months, leaving London for the summer). When one chapter of my life is winding down, I often experience this torturous feeling of extreme restlessness. Perhaps it’s like feeling stir crazy. I didn’t anticipate being struck by this feeling or maybe I thought it’d manifest itself in a more positive way this time – such as fueling me to write a lot out of excitement. But no.
I am also sick to death of living in this hall of residence. The students were mostly gone the first couple weeks of April, but now they’re coming back. And the past few days I’ve thought – “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” I almost packed up and moved into a hostel. Actually, the only thing stopping me is all these effing books I have. They make a quick get-away impossible.
I’ve never written much about the place where I live and work. The people I work for here are completely incompetent and unprofessional. They are also mean, petty and vindictive people who are, in effect, bullies. In order to survive in this place, I’ve had to completely bend to their will over the past two years. I’ve had to smile, pretend that I like them and tolerate all of their bullsh*t and cruelty with a smile. The hardest thing about this place is that you can’t leave at the end of the day and go home. This is my home, so there’s no escaping. In order to survive in this environment, I’ve had to wear a mask. And now the mask is starting to crumble and I really don’t give a crap what I say or do. That’s dangerous in a place like this, but so be it.
So anyway, that about sums up how I’m feeling right now. I guess it’s not surprising that I’m not writing, but I have to get focused again. A long walk today in the sunshine will do me good.
Anglofille said @ 12:51 pm | personal | 5 Comments
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Ken Says:
April 19th, 2009 at 3:49 amAnlofille: Never dreamed I’d be saying this to you, but let me give you a little tough love. JUST FINISH THE BOOK! I’ll buy it. I’ll be glad to be your tout to my numerous white lady friends. My male friends, alas, will not read it. Too bad for them.
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If only tough love worked. Others have tried this on me, with little success. The only thing that really works is deadlines, but all of my deadlines for this year are self-imposed. My absolute FINAL deadline is September 2010, but that’s too far away to scare me. Sigh.
I started reading again yesterday. That’s a sign that the writing is going to come soon. I have faith!
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Ken Says:
April 19th, 2009 at 2:24 pmAnglofille: Back when the Big Bully hired me to run the First Big Campaign, he used to give some really hard tasks. He used to bark “Message to Garcia” at me when he did it.I had no clue what he was talking about. Did some serious library time one weekend to figure it out.
“A Message to Garcia” was an inspirational story for boys inspired by the Spanish-American War (1898). The Big Bully (born 1920) had this story fed to him as a boy. It was passe when I was a boy (John F. Kennedy and rocket ships!)
What the Big Bully meant was, yeah, I know this is a tough job. I’m giving it to you because (1) it is tough; (2) I think you are tough enough; and (3) you won’t cry or complain about it. And he was right. He was a Big Bully, but he wasn’t stupid.
I see no reason why this shouldn’t work for girls. So Anglofille: “Message to Garcia”. I really want to read this novel as bad as the Big Bully wanted to be made governor. GET IT DONE.
I don’t knock deadlines. Deadlines are good.
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GET IT DONE.
that’s the encouragement i’ve been waiting for!
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Ken Says:
April 20th, 2009 at 3:59 pmAlways glad to help. A couple of months ago you were determined to bring your completed draft home to the states before you left London. I sense some slacking off. Message to Garcia. As President McKinley said, accomplish the mission! And your summer will be a whole hell of as lot more fun.
