26 November, 2009 | Leave a Comment
If it were legal to have a gun here then I would buy one and carry it with me. I’m totally serious.
Tonight I was walking home and some guy started to follow me. I know when someone is following me. I went into a shop to buy something and he also went into the shop. As soon as I came out, he was waiting outside and started to follow me again. Though it was only around 6pm, it was pitch dark, no different than if it were midnight. While the high street had a lot of people walking around, I was heading into an area with not enough street lights and with abandoned buildings and far fewer people (which is why I hate this neighborhood so much). Thankfully, Southwark Police Station was nearby. I could see it about a block away, so I turned around and said to this thug very loudly, “Stop following me! The police are right there and I’m going to the police!” He was a bit stunned, but then started to speak, saying something like he just wanted to talk to me or something. Unbelievable. So I screamed “GET AWAY FROM ME!!!” I walked off and headed towards the police station, then I turned around and he was gone. After this I walked home through the very dark and semi-deserted streets and felt very afraid. If he were somehow following me and approached me at this point, who knows what would have happened.
Less than a week ago, I had another unpleasant experience. I was outside of London in a small town and a guy said something very rude and misogynist to me. Then he drove off. This particular guy was white British, the guy in the previous story was an immigrant from somewhere in Africa.
You know what – I’m really sick of this shit. I’m sick of not feeling safe and I’m sick of abuse – all coming from strange men in the street. I will start to carry some sort of weapon with me, but I don’t know what. Any ideas? It’s really ridiculous that pepper spray is illegal here, because that would be ideal. Whatever I start to carry with me, I will use it on anyone who makes me free threatened and anyone who treats me in an abusive way. I’ve had enough.
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william Says:
November 28th, 2009 at 4:21 amThis is shock to hear these things happen in London!
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WeWanderInIllusions Says:
November 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pmMisogynist comments are always so shocking! But especially in a so-called civilized country.
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Screaming works great for most men. They don’t want to draw bad attention to themselves and they’ll normally do anything to avoid it. I wouldn’t suggest carrying an actual weapon. It’s too likely to get turned against you in a fight. My planned go-to defense (which I haven’t had to use yet since the screaming has worked so far) is to kick someone in the knee and break their kneecap. They can’t get up and chase you after that’s messed up.
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Caroline Says:
November 29th, 2009 at 12:33 pmLondon sounds like a threatening place these days. I always felt insecure there myself.
Screaming is a good option. Draw attention to the situation and embarrass the hell out of these pests. Stay safe A.
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Ken Says:
November 29th, 2009 at 5:43 pmI have to agree that screaming bloody murder is a better strategy than packing heat. Nip the scene in the bud before it turns into something dangerous.
The most important thing is staying aware of your surroundings. I shake my head at all the people I see walking around with music players and headphones totally zoned out.
The kick to the knee cap is an excellent ploy, if you have the presence of mind and the ability to argue it.
And let’s not forget my personal favorite: grab a handful of hair and yank backwards and down fast. This one is usually completely unexpected and guaranteed to incapacitate an assailant. I admit this was a better tactic in the 70s and 80s when men wore their hair long.
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You’re all depriving me of my Thelma & Louise fantasy with your sensible advice. I want to confront one of these pigs and shoot him or set him alight.
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Caroline Says:
November 30th, 2009 at 1:08 amJust get away, dear. Save the revenge fantasy for Hollywood.
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Lucette Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 4:28 amYelling is better than a gun. Thelma and Louise was a good movie. Speaking of Robocop, did you hear about the serial groin kicker in BC? This one guy had to have a testicle removed after randomly being kicked in the groin – they tell him that he will still be able to have kids.
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Ken Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 1:01 pmLet’s not forget Thelma and Louise died in the end. So did Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. They’re only movies. Robocop was, in part, a clever satire of urban planning.
“They could surrender, but I wouldn’t count it.”
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Sorry to hear about that, that’s scary. I am all for getting some gear and protecting oneself. I bought the SO a taser and though she hasn’t had to use it (fortunately), it’s nice to know that it’s there in the bag and she’s had it out on standby many a time. It’s funny because she never thought to buy herself one but now that she has it, it’s out all the time. She didn’t want to carry a gun so we compromised on that. I’d go (in order of my own personal preference) with a taser, knife, or impact baton–or any combination of the three. And if you go the taser route, I’d suggest getting a pretty beefy one despite the tradeoff on portability. They have some ridiculous tasers that look like cell phones and other stuff but I think 1/2 the point of a taser is the visual deterrent and also doing a dry-fire to let them know what you have in store. Not sure how much research you’ve done into it, but they have safety releases if somehow it’s ripped out of your hands (comes with a wrist-strap) so harder for the attacker to use against you–not so with sprays, batons, or guns. In any case, definitely worth the purchase.
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I wish I could have a taser! They are illegal here, as is pepper spray and everything else. Even most of the police don’t carry guns. There is a lot of knife crime and street violence here, yet I feel there are very few ways to protect yourself. I am scared of having a knife or something like that – a taser or pepper spray is so much better. My friend has a rape alarm that she is going to give me, but I am going to look around and see what is actually legal to carry here. I don’t have a problem carrying something illegal, such as pepper spray, but I don’t know where I’d find it (though there are a lot of random bag searches here, so that’s probably not a good idea. It’s like a police state! However, those who are criminals seem to get by just fine.)
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Ken Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:24 pmAnglofille: Well, that’s because they are criminals. You are not a criminal. You are a law abiding grad student and artist.
Criminals don’t obey the law. The law can be so inconvenient.
I feel bad you you feel so vulnerable on the streets of ‘The Borough”. I’ve never had to live with anything like that. I realize it’s different for men. I can’t imagine what such fear feels like.My greatest mentor was a fearless man and he taught me a lot about the difference between a healthy respect for the facts of a situation and generalized fear of things.
Whatever you decide to carry, please learn how to use it.
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That really sucks. I just did a quick search on the tubes and pretty much everything is illegal. The only options you have beyond the decibel rape alarm you mentioned is some sort of functional knife that you can argue you genuinely needed for non-attacking purposes. Also, there is supposedly a non-lethal “goo-spray” that is concentrated ink that’s meant to be able to ID the attacker running away or even after they’ve washed it off as it’s supposed to be viewable under UV lights. At that point with those options (or lack thereof) I might just take the risk with hiding the spray on my person and not in the bag.
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Dorothy Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:20 amA spray in a bag is of no use whatsoever. You can’t ask the attacker “Oh, wait a minute, I just have to get my little spray out, and then I’ll blow you apart with it, you’ll see”
Also, the mere rumbling in a bag turns any attacker on already. I’ve got some pepper-spray experience from living in Parisian suburbs, and the only way they can come in useful is to hold them in your bare hand all the way til you’re home! You don’t see them from outside when they’re in your hand, so if you should be stopped for handbag-checking, you can probably just quickly slip it into your jacket? Or do they search your clothes as well in Britain? -
Lucette Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 pmYou are really missing the United States with its guns and tasers etc! Even hair spray in the eyes would help a bit – if you are desperate! Then again, if the perp gets the hairspray away from you and sprays you in the eyes, it hiders your ability to get away.
They featured the Taser on Cougar’s Corner (spoof of the Coach’s Corner that you see during intermission at Hockey games). Seems that if you are a Cougar (older woman looking for younger men) and the man is unwilling, the taser can prove quite helpful:
http://www.sketchcom.com/seasons/season15/080118.html
Personally, I think that tasers could lead to date rape because it immobilizes a person for a few minutes. Also, you got to keep it away from the heart to avoid accidentally killing someone so it is better to get them in the back (which is easier to do if you are the attacker than the attacked).
My son hated that scene in Robo cop and was pissed off that I was cheering.
Dorothy, the gun and the taser/cell phone combo in the handbag / purse would be the same problem.
As far as I know, criminals don’t run gun factories so where do they get their guns from? B & Es? Purse snatchings.
BTW beware of drive by purse snatchings where people in a stolen car drive by and the person riding shot gun sticks his body out of the window of the car and grabs a person’s purse while they are putting the groceries in their car.
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Caroline Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 pmHow about a squirt gun full of bleach? Right in the eyes…smell will startle them too.
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Jan Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:15 pmGo for the pepper spray in the pocket. If searched, pull your foreigner card and say you had no idea sth like this is illegal.
I’d also go for screaming RAPE. Should freak them out.
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Dorothy Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:36 pmA very, VERY, loud and unpleasant whistle is helpful too. You can easily carry it around your neck.
If you use a pepper spray, don’t wait too long until you fire it – you have to do it before the agressor actually touches you, otherwise he’ll have robbed you of it and will use it on you instead. And don’t refrain from using it on little boys just because they’re children – if there are many of them and only one of you, they count as one or even two adults. That’s what happened to me outside of Paris. It is also essential that you carry the spray in your hand u n l o c k e d – so that you only need to press the button if necessary. For you to unlock it while an agressor is already there, you would need to look down and concentrate on it for 2 or 3 seconds – which means that you wouldn’t be focussed on the agressor while doing so, and which could be his crucial moment. -
Well, thanks for all the advice, everyone! I am actually trying to move to a different neighborhood, which will help me feel safer, since there’s nothing worse than being afraid to walk home after dark. I have a rape alarm now, but I will think about all these other options. Merci!
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Caroline Says:
December 6th, 2009 at 11:02 amI have a movie recoomendation for you A.– a raped woman’s revenge story that takes place in the Transylvanian countryside. It is called Katalin Varga __ an amazing film in release in the UK. Saw it at the Romanian Film Festival in NY and cannot get it out of my mind. Would love to get your opinion of this really powerful movie.
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That looks very interesting. Doesn’t seem as if it’s playing in the cinema anymore. I hope it’ll be out on DVD soon.
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Caroline Says:
December 6th, 2009 at 11:43 pmWatch with headphones as the sound is amazing. I saw it a second time today — wanted to catcn the intense performance by the lead actress a second time. .
