Archive for the 'français' Category
6 April, 2007 | Comments
The first rule of French: Never say something in 10 words when you can just as easily use 50.
17 November, 2006 | Comments
Today I had to give a report in front of the class. We all have to take turns doing this. It can be on any topic we want, just nothing political. So I did my report on the Lost Generation (Hemingway, etc.). I didn’t really put much effort into it. I wrote it using words and verb conjugations I already have memorized. (I was too tired to consult my books last night.) It’s not easy to write about 1920s Paris using only the present verb tense, but it can be done with a little creativity.
In other news, we found out this week when our final exam will be held in January. It’s, like, 12 hours long and held in a secret location outside Paris. Bloody hell. I’m already resigned to the fact that I will flunk — and flunk with gusto. Hence, I feel no stress whatsoever. Our professor has already written off the whole class anyway. Yesterday she shouted at us in frustration: “If it takes you ten minutes to form a sentence, you’ll never be able to talk to anyone!!!” With encouragement like that, you can’t go wrong.
14 November, 2006 | 6 Comments
In class the other day, we were asked to complete the sentence: “When I was a child, I was afraid that…” (I know this seems easy, but it’s actually quite complicated given the insane verb tenses involved.)
The teacher called on a British student in the front row and he replied: “When I was a child, I was afraid that a dog would eat me.”
And everyone in the class laughed. (Hey, we were bored.)
The teacher called on the Brazilian student sitting next to me, and she replied: “When I was a child, I was afraid that a monster lived under my bed.”
And everyone in the class laughed.
And then the teacher called on a very quiet and shy Korean student who always sits in the back row, and he replied: “When I was a child, I was afraid that my father would beat me.”
This was followed by awkward silence.
11 November, 2006 | 5 Comments
Yesterday I told someone I had to “hotten” something in the microwave. Oh dear.
24 October, 2006 | 5 Comments
It’s days like today that I wish I had chosen to study an easier foreign language, like Farsi or Mongolian. That sound you hear is me crying.
4 October, 2006 | Comments
I had to take another language test at the Sorbonne yesterday. They’re quite fond of the tests, I’ll tell ya. This one was in a dusty old lecture hall that made me feel rather intimidated. It’s been ages since I’ve had to take any sort of test like that. And having a professor there rattling off French commands at the speed of light didn’t put me at ease. I didn’t have a clue what he was saying, yet everyone else nodded along as if they completely understood. Fakers.
The professor read us a story and then we had to answer multiple-choice questions based on what we had heard. I think the story was about a woman ordering room service in a hotel in the Alps (or maybe Saint Malo?). This woman was very clear that she hates golf but likes swimming and dollhouses. It was a riveting tale, made slightly more exciting by the sudden appearance of a strapping young bellboy who…
Oh wait, that part was just in my head.
Then there was a section of the test that contained partial sentences and we were supposed to complete them. You’d think the sentences would go something like this: “Pierre, wearing a fabulous fuschia beret, met Jean-Paul in the park after dark for ________.” I may not have the required vocabulary to fill this in, but at least I’d understand what they wanted. But no, the sentences were a bit more esoteric. One of the sentences was: “We have discovered that the Germans are ___________.” Uh, let’s see, how about “going to invade Poland.” I mean, how would you even finish this sentence in English? I have no clue. Then another question was: “He would only use excessive force if __________.” Perhaps I misunderstood this sentence (very likely). Otherwise, the person who wrote this test is a sick bastard. I mean, come on. Get your jollies some other way that doesn’t involve young, impressionable students struggling to learn French.
At the end of the exam, we had to write a little essay based on the prompt: “What I’ve done since arriving in Paris.” Okay, easy. “I was plunged into the depths of despair for a few weeks upon arriving in the French capital. I stopped eating. I became so weak I was like one of those Victorian women with pale skin and dark circles under her eyes, barely able to muster the energy necessary to lift a teacup. But now I feel much better, thanks.” But all my limited vocabulary would allow was this: “I arrived in Paris on 2nd September. I am glad to be in Paris. I live in the Marais. There are lots of cafés in my neighborhood. There are a lot of things to do. I like Paris. I want to learn French.”
After the exam, we had to meet one-on-one with a professor. I met with a rather mean lady. She asked me, in French, why I wanted to study French. What is it with the vast open-ended questions? Um, I want to watch French films without reading the subtitles? I want to read the Marquis de Sade in his native language? No, I decided I better give my honest response, so I talked about my dissertation and 19th-century female authors, but of course I could not articulate this in French, so I kept slipping into English. And the woman cut me off with “En français!”, which makes me wonder if she understands that the people taking these courses aren’t fluent in French already…hence the need for the course.
So my day at the Sorbonne was not complete without a visit to the toilette and I was rewarded with more stylin’ loo plaques! This particular toilette was unisex, as are a few other public facilities I’ve visited so far in Paris. These mixed-gender toilettes are ideal for ___________.
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26 September, 2006 | 1 Comment
Yesterday I bumped into someone on the Métro. And for the first time what came out of my mouth was pardon. Not sorry, not excuse me. No! The very French pardon. It was an automatic response, said without even thinking.
Oh happy day! This, my friends, is progress.
