29 August, 2010 | 5 Comments

5 August, 2010 | 2 Comments

Rent day.  Six stacks of twenties.  I just wanted to caress it before losing it forever.

I have to move out of this place on August 31st.  I’ve lucked into a six-week house-sitting job that begins in early September.  It’s a 4-bedroom house in Clapham South, which is a very nice area.  It’s a done deal – the couple interviewed me and I have the job.  But given my luck with housing…I won’t feel comfortable until I actually move in.  I know I shouldn’t be so pessimistic, but after what I’ve been through the past few years (being evicted from my apartment in Paris on New Year’s Eve…that sorta thing) I take nothing for granted.  Still, if everything works out as it should, then I’ll get to live all alone in a 4-bedroom house rent free during the final days of my PhD!  How cool is that?  I really needed a break like this.  Of course I’ll still need to find another place to live beginning October 20th, but I’ll worry about that later.

4 August, 2010 | 4 Comments

I read this headline just now:

Meat from cloned cow offspring in UK food chain

and thought it said CLOWN meat was in the UK food supply.  Yum.

28 July, 2010 | 2 Comments

Two videos for you today.  First, the Jane Austen Fight Club:

And second is right-wing racist scumbag Andrew Breitbart in this shocking video where he reveals his love of terrorism:

21 July, 2010 | 11 Comments

Today I mailed my supervisor 80 pages of my novel and then on the walk home from the post office, I was hit by a car.  A coincidence?  I think not.  The evil forces of patriarchy will do anything to keep me from finishing this book.  A lesser woman would stop writing, but I must soldier on.

Yes, I was hit by a car.  I crossed the street in the middle of the block, behind a car that was stopped.  For reasons unknown, the car backed up and the driver obviously didn’t see me.  Thankfully the car gently hit me on the upper arm and then stopped.  I wasn’t hurt, but if they hadn’t stopped…who knows?  I don’t want to think about it.  Perhaps I should have called the police, but the police in London rarely come when called and since I wasn’t hurt, I didn’t see the point.  I shouldn’t have been crossing in the middle of the street anyway.  The driver was really apologetic – he kept invoking god.  “Thank god, thank god, god protected us,” etc. etc.  I yelled at him and said maybe he should pray to god for some glasses.  (Oh yes I did!)

Dangerous times, my friends.  Getting near the end of the book now.  Having panic attacks, losing the will to live, and now…assassination attempts.  Salman Rushdie never had it so bad.

20 June, 2010 | 5 Comments

This dull headache I have is from writing non-stop for days. Heaven help me. I have to give my supervisor 185 revised novel pages tomorrow. The good news is that I think they’re pretty damn good (yes, I will blow my own horn, thanks). The bad news is that I’ve been chained to the computer since I don’t know when. There have been moments of levity, though, like taking a break to watch Catherine Tate videos on YouTube. This one absolutely cracked me up.

If things go according to plan, then in 133 days, I may done with this PhD.  Wouldn’t that be nice…

17 June, 2010 | 5 Comments

Recently I’ve floated the idea of going to Jordan but no one will go with me.  The reactions I’ve received are mostly on the horrified side of the spectrum, like “Are you crazy?” or “I would never step foot in the Middle East.”  Hmmm.  I want to do some research for my novel there.  It’s not essential that I go, but it would be helpful.  Looks like if I go, I’ll go alone.  Has anyone ever been there?  I wonder what it’s like for women to travel there alone?  The airfare from London isn’t cheap – around £500.  In my research, I was surprised to learn that Amman is only about a 45-minute drive from Jerusalem, not that you could actually travel between the two cities in 45 minutes because of all the security checkpoints, but still, they’re very close.  I wonder when the Israelis are going to bomb Iran’s nuclear sites?  I definitely wouldn’t want to go to the Middle East then.  Maybe I could call the Israeli Embassy and ask.  All these things one must consider when planning a trip.  So stressful…

10 June, 2010 | Comments are off

A funny anecdote for you: As most of you know, I work for an American company.  Not an American company located in London, but an American company located in America.  Telecommuting, you know.  Wave of the future.

Anyway, in my work-related email account, I just received an email titled “Important Policy Update.”  I clicked on the message and it said that in accordance with the “new policy,” employees are not allowed to bring firearms onto company premises.

This is no joke.  God, sometimes I really miss America.

4 June, 2010 | 6 Comments

I’ve been a bit under the weather this week.  Some sort of mild stomach flu, I suppose.  I’m still not entirely sure what was wrong with me.  Nausea, loss of appetite, feeling slightly feverish and tired.  I am feeling better now, though not completely back to normal.

I like the new place where I’m living.  In fact, I’m disappointed I can only stay here until August 31st (where will I go after that?  who knows).  The only issue is street noise.  Late at night the drunks stumble out of the pubs and make a lot of noise (with the World Cup approaching, it’ll just get worse).  Then, super early in the morning the business across the street opens (a messenger service or some such) and they all stand outside talking and laughing.  This means that I never sleep the whole night through, which is not good because I’m a troubled sleeper anyway.

My recent sleeping difficulties have made me think back to my time at the retreat in France, where of course it was blissfully quiet.  I sometimes struggle in environments where it’s very quiet outside, but for some reason I handled the retreat okay.  While there, I didn’t have insomnia or any sleep problems, which I normally do and which have plagued me my whole adult life.  At the retreat, I’d close my eyes and fall asleep, like a normal person.  No tossing and turning, no agonizing over not being able to drift off.  I even fell asleep before midnight when I chose to do so – unheard of for me.  I also had vivid dreams and nightmares.

You might think it’s obvious that this would happen, since I was on a holiday of sorts.  But I don’t normally experience this on holidays.  I often find holidays stressful, even if I enjoy myself for the most part.  At the retreat, I was writing while I was there and I had the deadline stress that follows me wherever I go; I also felt stir-crazy sometimes.  Despite this, I relaxed more, I ate more healthily, I lived with others (as opposed to living alone), I thought about literature and art more, it was quiet and there was fresh air.  It was a different lifestyle, a different way of being.  And I slept well and I dreamed in a way that I can’t at home.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so it got me thinking about this.  My old sleep troubles have crept back into my life, which are worsened by the street noise. I’m already worried that I won’t be able to fall asleep tonight until the wee hours and I have a sense of dread about that.  I always just thought I was a person who couldn’t sleep, but it’s more a symptom of my lifestyle than I realized.  When I was out of this lifestyle, I slept.  This isn’t a pleasant realization, to see what stress I cause myself and how it disrupts my life on a conscious and subconscious level.  If you’re not being kind to yourself, take a moment to stop and think about what effect that’s having on you.

23 May, 2010 | 5 Comments

It was the sunniest and warmest day of the year, I was in the glorious countryside attending my first British wedding and I drank my first Pimm’s.  I’m not much of a drinker, but Pimm’s…I love you.  I gulped down two of these.  I think I’m officially British now.

P.S. This is my 1400th post!

19 May, 2010 | Comments are off

My favorite moment of the trip…sunset in Arles, over the Rhone River.  This is my homage to Van Gogh.  I was inspired to seek out this scene in order to see the sky as he might have seen it.  No stars, but plenty of beauty and most of all, light.  The magical light of Arles.

Starry Night Over the Rhone, 1888.

17 May, 2010 | 3 Comments

Upon reviewing my bank statement, my trip to France cost less than anticipated, thanks to the plunge of the Euro against the dollar.  What a nice surprise.

Shout out to the Greeks!

15 May, 2010 | 1 Comment

By some miracle, I made it back to London.  Remember on my way to the South of France, there was a volcano and a train strike.  While in France, there was freak weather.  Now on my way home the Channel tunnel was evacuated.  Thankfully I wasn’t in the tunnel at the time, but I experienced delays as a result.  I’ve never had so many problems on one trip.  I am sincerely grateful to have actually made it home.  The weird thing is that when I woke up this morning, I had a bad feeling about the Eurostar.  I felt very strongly that something would go wrong.  Still, I boarded the train in Lille anyway, then when I was settling in, the Welsh lady next to me said there was a fire in the channel tunnel.  There wasn’t actually a fire, but given my earlier premonition, I was feeling very unsettled.  We were stuck in the tunnel for about twice as long as normal and it smelled like burning rubber down there, plus it was so hot on the train we were all sweating.  But clearly, I made it out alive…so don’t get your hopes up.

Anyway, it’s been a looooong day.  Hard to believe I was in Avignon this morning and now I’m in London – all via train.  I wonder how “high speed” these high-speed trains are, because Europe seems very small right now.

14 May, 2010 | Comments are off

It’s cold and I’m broke…time to go home!  Will catch the train (gulp) early tomorrow.  Getting to spend a whole month in France has been pretty sweet.  Ah, the joys of being a student/writer with a flexible part-time job and no kids.  I don’t take these opportunities for granted, since after my PhD they may not be available to me.  Who knows. I’ll take life as it comes, but I’m glad I had this opportunity now.  I’m ready to go home, though.  I miss London and while there’s a certain part of me that dreads going back to my old routine (sitting at the computer for hours on end, going to the library, losing my mind), I’m also excited about the challenge of trying to meet my end-of-September PhD deadline, if for no other reason than finishing means I’ll be free of this hell.  I’m moving into my new place in London tomorrow, where I’ll live for the summer.  It’s very central and will be a welcome change of scenery.  It’s not an apartment, alas, but a student-type place.  The last student place I’ll move into, since I won’t be a student for much longer.  As my late grandfather the ex-Marine would say, I’m getting to be a short-timer now!

9 May, 2010 | 1 Comment

6 May, 2010 | 8 Comments

It’s like the dead of winter here, y’all.  I was chatting with an 80-something lady in the village.  She was born here and has lived here for her entire life and she said it’s never snowed in May before.

My timing is impeccable.

It’s not snowing now.  It’s raining on and off, but it’s bitterly cold.  The heating is off in the house, so it’s very, very cold indoors.  The only warm places are on the ground floor near the wood-burning stoves, so I may sleep downstairs on the sofa tonight if need be.  I’m not a wimp about cold, so if it’s too cold for me…you know it’s bad.  It’s been a weird trip in some ways – volcano, train strike, freak weather. I’m normally quite lucky on trips, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

This morning I escaped the village briefly and went with another of the attendees (who has a car!) to a nearby village that has a little shop.  MAJOR EXCITEMENT.  The shop wasn’t cheap, so I ended up spending 30€ but it was totally worth it.  I have Canada Dry ginger ale, Mexican-flavored tortilla chips, green olives, chocolate, orange juice, croissants.  What a treat!  I’ve been eating too healthy here and cooking three meals a day.  My body cannot survive for three weeks without junk food.  The guy in the shop was super sweet and nice, though he did handle raw meat with his bare hands, then get the croissants, then make change, etc.  He was like a walking board of health violation.

So anyway, I will be leaving the retreat on Monday.  It’s been a good experience, but I’m ready to go.  Three weeks away from civilization is enough and I’m itching to be back in a world of shops and cafes and friends and noise.  Maybe if it were sunny I wouldn’t feel so stir crazy, but this week has been tough with the weather.  I will post more of my thoughts about the retreat once I leave.  It will take time to process, I think.  I will be traveling a bit in Provence when I leave here, which I’m excited about, though I still haven’t planned my trip.  Any advice?  I will need to be in Avignon to catch the train back to London and I’m also interested in Arles, Nimes, etc.  If anyone has any tips (particularly about the Luberon), send them my way!  I hope this awful weather is confined to the Languedoc region and won’t follow me to Provence.

4 May, 2010 | Comments are off

My first week here I had a sunburn, now…it’s snowing.  You can’t tell from this photo, but it’s coming down hard.  When people say “the South of France” – meaning sunshine and palm trees and warm beaches – they aren’t referring to this particular region of Southern France.  Just FYI.

2 May, 2010 | 2 Comments

I have one week left at the retreat.  I finally managed to upload some photos using someone else’s laptop, since I forgot the photo card adapter thingy for my MacBook.  These photos are straight out of the camera, so not great, but it’s the best I can do right now.  I wanted to at least post a few photos to show that I am indeed in rural France and that I’m not a fabulist making up these stories.

The village where I’m staying is isolated, rustic and super tiny.  This is the longest I’ve gone without eating at a restaurant, I think.  I miss cafes.  If I lived in this place full-time, I’d go completely insane, but it’s cool for a 3-week retreat.  [The mountains have really greened up since I took these photos.]

(more…)

1 May, 2010 | 7 Comments

It’s been rainy and foggy here the past few days, which suits me fine.  I can only take so much sun beating down on me.  Last night I sat by the fire and read the first half of Paul Auster’s New York Trilogy.  Auster has a way of sucking readers in (and he’s more popular in France than back home).  I don’t think he’s an impressive writer at the sentence level, but he’s a good storyteller – if you like bizarre stories that make no sense.  He’s good at writing about NYC, which makes him appealing to me, given that my novel is a NY novel.

Yesterday I got up early to wait for the bread truck to come to the village – it’s not really a truck, but a black compact car driven by a lady with a pierced lip.  Sadly, the bread isn’t great and the pain au chocolat is always slightly burned. Anyway, while I was waiting for the “bread truck” I was chatting with some of the elderly residents of the village. Well, not “chatting” really, since they can’t understand me and I can’t understand them.  [It's funny how they pronounce certain words around here.  Demain is pronounced like demayne.]  Despite all these difficulties, I did manage to have some sort of conversation with them with the aid of hand gestures.  It became clear that they were excited about the rain because snails appear in their gardens.  I had seen snails all over the terrace of the retreat since the rain came and they are so cute, with their twitching little antennae and brown shells. However, I feared that the old people were excited about the snails for a sinister reason.  I think you know where I’m going with this.  Yes, they are going to eat the snails.  I always imagined that escargot were high-class snails raised on a snail farm or something – for some reason, it never occurred to me that people just pick up a garden snail and cook it.  Ack.  I tried escargot once…never again.  So I asked them how they kill the snails (I asked this while making a stabbing motion).  They said they cook them lobster style – by dropping live snails into a pot of boiling water.  Poor snails.  And it gets worse.  According to someone I talked to later (in English), they capture the snails and keep them alive for a week while depriving them of food.  This purifies their bodies or something.  Then after a week of this torture, the snails are dropped alive into boiling water.

Bon appétit, you sadistic old villagers.

23 April, 2010 | 3 Comments

I’ve been settling into the retreat this week.  It’s up in the mountains in a tiny village with stone houses.  There are no shops or anything here, so we do our grocery shopping once a week in the nearest city.  During the week, there’s a grocery truck, a meat truck and a bread truck that stop by the village.  It’s mostly the elderly residents who line up to buy things from these trucks and they are very friendly and like to chat with the writers and artists staying at the retreat.  I bought a baguette and a pain au chocolat from the bread truck today.  This afternoon I went to the house of 86-year-old M. Garcia to buy fresh eggs from his chickens.  He invited me in for an aperitif.  So cute.  We had some pastis (diluted with water), which I’d never had before, but I like licorice flavor, so I enjoyed it.  I chatted with him in a very basic way.  I find it more difficult to understand people in the South of France – I think I am used to the Parisian accent, so I struggle to understand what’s being said.  At the retreat, we’re all Anglophones, so it’s not a problem.  There are only two of us here at the moment, so it’s quiet.

My room here is lovely.   A nice big bed, a desk with a view of the mountains, a bathroom with a big tub.  Because this is a stone house, it’s very cool inside, which is difficult to get used to, but we have wood-burning stoves that we fill with logs throughout the day.  This is so vastly different from my life in London, where I was living in that very dreary part of town near Elephant & Castle.  I realize now that I wasn’t really living then.  I was just surviving.  Here I’m cooking.  I made a roast chicken, then a stock from the bones and the next day a hearty chicken noodle soup.  So I’m eating good food and breathing fresh mountain air.  My body feels like it’s detoxing from London – I am very sleepy and take naps during the day.  I read my book by the fire.  I go to sleep relatively early (for me).  So it’s very restful.  Still, nibbling away at me is the anxiety over my writing deadline.  I’m doing some writing each day, but not writing up a storm yet.  They say it takes time to settle in and get into a groove.

I haven’t explored the mountains yet, but have stuck close to home.  Apparently there are snakes around here (including vipers!), so that makes me nervous.  The other person at the retreat saw a huge viper yesterday.  They say if you go hiking in the mountains to take a stick and hit the ground, so the vibration will scare off any snakes.  Yikes!  I don’t think I’ll be doing that.  There was a massive spider in my bathroom last night, which scared me half to death.

I can’t post any photos because my MacBook requires an adaptor for the photo card, which I left at home, but I might be able to borrow one from someone.  I think I’ll sign off for now…my fire is dying down.  Time for another log!