18 July, 2008 | 6 Comments

Today is my sister’s b-day. Happy Birthday! You know you’re old when your younger sister is 33. Crap.

Sis wanted Victorian taxidermy for her birthday, but that’s a little out of my price range, so an Amazon gift certificate it is. I know this isn’t as good as a stuffed dead animal, so to quell the disappointment, on my way home I stopped at Peyton and Byrne and bought her some porn. If your sister can’t buy you porn for your birthday, then no one can. Click below to see it, but only if you’re over 18.

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6 July, 2008 | 7 Comments

Waterloo Sunset: After the Rain

Today is my friend Anita’s 50th birthday. Anita, I wanted to take a photo of a brilliant Waterloo Sunset for you on your birthday — with a bright sky and yellow rays of light. As you can see, Mother Nature offered something slightly more gothic. [I actually went to the bridge last night as well, just as an insurance policy, but the sun was not even visible at all. It may be summer...but this is London!] It had been raining earlier this evening, as you can see, but the storm passed around the time of the sunset. I’ve called this After the Rain, because I think it’s an apt metaphor for what this birthday means for you.

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3 June, 2008 | Comments

Tonight I did my U.S. taxes. The deadline for those who live abroad is June 16th. This deadline is two full weeks from now and you may be thinking — “Wow, Anglofille did her taxes early and not on the night of June 15th. She is so organized.” But alas, no. Hell hasn’t frozen over. I had to do my taxes this week because I will be out of town when the deadline rolls around. Your faith in me, if you have any, is entirely misplaced.

My American income for 2007 was exactly $33,000 (£16,500). I don’t know how I managed that. I know that’s pretty loser-ish for a highly educated person of my age, but come on — I don’t even live in the U.S. right now! Thank heavens for the interweb. When I opened my W-2 tonight, I was shocked that the total was so high. (I’ve had my W-2 since January but just looked at it tonight — if that doesn’t sum me up, nothing does.) Most of my American income was eaten up by the exchange rate and also by the insanely high London prices. According to my calculations, $33,000 spent in London is roughly equivalent to about $217. Not too bad. You could go out to dinner and a movie for that price (no popcorn though).

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27 May, 2008 | 3 Comments

Well, somehow I missed commemorating my 1,000th post, so here’s post number 1,010. I was planning a big celebration with clowns and balloons and cake, but 1,010 just doesn’t have the same ring.

Tonight I took a walk around the ‘hood. I went into Marks & Spencer’s food shop. I was craving fruit. I think that’s a bad sign. My body must be starved of vital nutrients. We get free fruit where I live, but just apples, pears and bananas. I prefer more posh fruit — mango, melon, berries and the like. So I bought a cup of “tropical fruit sticks,” which includes fresh pineapple, mango and “orange melon.” Come again? Orange melon? What’s wrong with the word cantaloupe? I hope this is just some weird British thing and not Marks & Spencer trying to dumb down their produce, because I feel insulted. (Not really.)

Tonight while I was out walking, I stopped to gaze at myself in the window of a darkened apartment. Yes, I did. I wanted to see what my hair looked like. I’m sure it gave the appearance that I was peeping into someone’s window, but I didn’t care…until I turned around and a professor from my department was walking down the street and staring at me. My school is light years away from here, so I have no idea why he was in this neighborhood. He didn’t even acknowledge me, he just kept walking. I’m sure that now he thinks I’m a perv who stares in people’s windows. Lovely.

Then I had two different men approach me and ask if they could talk to me. I said no and ignored them and one of them followed me around for a bit. I am a magnet for any kind of psycho. [If you only knew.]

So you see, it was an eventful walk. Before I even left home, one of the residents where I live nearly broke my finger, which is now throbbing in pain. Perhaps I should have just stayed home, but the night air felt good. And I needed fruit.

11 May, 2008 | Comments

To my dear maman and all the mothers out there…Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day in Britain was back in March, so I’m proud of myself for remembering this.

This YouTube video on Mother’s Day is hysterical, though I fear you may have to be American to fully appreciate it…

26 April, 2008 | 11 Comments

Jason Shinder was a poet who taught at Bennington College, where I did my MFA in creative writing. I didn’t study with him since I’m not a poet, but he was a really sweet and talented guy. One of my fondest memories of graduation from Bennington was when Jason, who was the faculty member chosen to read our names out as we came up to get our diplomas, actually pronounced my name correctly. No one ever says my name correctly at events like these, but he was intent on getting it right. I was so happy that I gave him a hug right there on the stage. For some reason, I’ll always remember that.

Too many people from Bennington have died. It’s really difficult to even comprehend. I wish Jason’s family and friends all the best during this difficult time.

Click through to read one of Jason’s poems:

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24 April, 2008 | 9 Comments

2:14 - Arrive at cash machine, withdraw £50 ($100).

2:22 - Arrive at administrative offices of university, register and pay £20 fee ($40), the cheap-o student rate, for upcoming conference. Have £30 left in wallet.

2:37 - Arrive at Ryman stationery shop, ask to see ink cartridges for Epson printer that I hate (all four cartridges are empty…of course). Shop assistant hands over pack of cartridges, costing £27.99 ($60). Nearly have coronary. Waver between a) not buying ink; and b) purchasing ink for printer that has been empty for three months. Decide this moment will never be less painful, so bite bullet and purchase ink (while being grateful not in possession of actual bullet).

2:41 - Have spent £47.99 in less than one hour. Feel depressed. Have £2.01 in wallet.

2:42 - Walk home and mentally berate self for ink purchase. Feel despondent over empty wallet.

3:02 - Arrive home. Resist urge to give printer the finger, since completely juvenile. (Ah, what the hell.)

3:10 - Eat melon.

3:50 - Begin to write blog post, apologizing to readers for annoying writing style. Am reading Bridget Jones’s Diary, you see. Must read for PhD dissertation. Would never read by choice. Confession: Have read before by choice, when 24 years old. Liked book then, hate book now. Am completely horrified by misogyny in book. More soon, when finished reading.

weight = none of your business; alcohol units = 0; cigarettes = 0;

calories = don’t care; emotional fuckwits = way too many.

19 April, 2008 | 6 Comments

I have the blogging blahs. Sorry y’all. Here’s my week in a nutshell: Attending a seminar at the London Book Fair; starting three or four novels and not finishing reading them, leaving them open on my nightstand in a big pile; buying books I can’t afford; staring at my laptop screen for hours each day and waiting for a brilliant idea to help me fix this mess of a chapter (still waiting); feeling a lot of angst about my failure to finish this chapter; having an emergency meeting with my PhD supervisor; worrying about a looming PhD deadline; feeling demoralized about all the work I have to do on my novel; feeling depressed because the subject of my book is so dark and bleak and it’s starting to screw with my head; playing board games; having a Jason Bourne movie marathon that lasted for over six hours; drinking tea in cafés with friends; taking long walks; considering buying a Eurostar ticket to Paris for this weekend, but then deciding against it; forgetting to do my American taxes; eating too much chocolate.

What I really want to know is when spring will arrive. It feels like the dead of winter outside. I don’t mean to complain, but I *need* a nice spring day with sunshine and warmth. How long has it been since we’ve had a day like that — six months? That’s too long. It’s not healthy. Today an American friend told me if she lived here, she’d need to take anti-depressants. London is indeed a very dark place for at least half the year. We’ve earned the right to have spring, dammit. Where is it? If spring would come I could finish my chapter. I’d feel energized. I just know it!

13 April, 2008 | 2 Comments

One year ago today, I left Paris and returned to London. It was such a happy day for me. It’s difficult to believe it’s been a whole year. There have been many ups and downs over the past twelve months (there always are where I’m concerned), but as I look back, only two things matter:

1) When I left Paris I had a set of goals I wanted to achieve when I returned to London. I’m happy to report that I have achieved every single one of them.

2) While there are things I want to change about my life, I feel as if I am now heading in the right direction. That’s something.

Over the past year I’ve really wanted to try the Hummingbird Bakery, which is renowned for its American-style cupcakes. Yesterday I finally made it! I just happened to be in South Kensington and there it was. After all, you can’t have an anniversary without cake:

[That cupcake on the right is a "nutella cupcake" with three hazelnuts on top. Yum-o.]

I would go on with more anniversary-related bliss and reminiscing, but I am working on a particularly difficult chapter of my novel today.  It’s quite emotionally wrenching to write.  Perhaps this is not the best way to celebrate an important anniversary, but then I must meet my next goal: finishing this damn book!

9 April, 2008 | 8 Comments

Courtesy of my mom:

“I know there are some guys out there who are nice and considerate and not gay. You just have to find them.”

17 March, 2008 | 3 Comments

sometimes, out of the blue, my self-esteem just plummets to nothing. i find everything about the world and my life to be completely overwhelming. during these times the things other people say and do can wound me deeply. i get upset at them, then they get upset at me for being upset. this doesn’t help the situation.

crying would feel nice right now, like a long hot bath would feel. that urge is there, in the throat, all day long, just beyond my reach.

14 March, 2008 | 5 Comments

This week has had its ups and downs. There was no sunshine. [Bad.] I finished up my teaching duties. [Good. Well, mostly good. I will miss one of my fellow teachers. She and I developed our own little bitch clique. We'd sit at the back of the staff room and gossip and whisper about the other teachers. I mean, the other teachers are all so cheerful and happy to work for slave wages in a crap environment. What is wrong with them? We had fun ripping them to shreds. One of the other teachers saw us whispering once and he said, "There they are, conspiring again!" So we had a reputation. Some of the other teachers started to shun us, not even saying hello! They were just jealous that we got paid more and that we were so fabulously bitchy and smarter than all of them combined. And our boss was terrified of us -- when he'd approach us, his hands would literally shake. No joke. You may be surprised that sweet Anglofille is capable of behaving this way, but I can assure you that not only is she capable of behaving this way, she really enjoys it.]

So anyway, I’ve had a mixed week but this evening I received some fantastic news! My lawyer in Paris has just e-mailed me to say that she received a cheque from the evil landlady for the full amount of the judgment. She paid up, y’all! I am stunned! I just cannot imagine why she paid. I didn’t even have to call the bailiffs to get involved. She technically has a few days left to appeal this, so I won’t feel totally at ease until the cheque has cleared and her time for appealing has run out. Still, the situation looks good. I mean, she sent the cheque to my lawyer. Whew. I hope to soon have the money in my hands, including what she stole, the legal fees and a little extra for my troubles. Woot! Perhaps I should blow the whole amount of the damages on a luxurious trip to Paris. Or maybe I’ll spend it at the dentist. Yes, my award for pain and suffering should be spent on…more pain and suffering.

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11 March, 2008 | 2 Comments

Yesterday I spent £60 on a bottle of Jo Malone Red Roses perfume. I really do not have the money to be buying expensive perfume right now. (You see, I quit my job. More on that soon.) But I ran out of my favorite Jo Malone more than a year ago and I’ve never replaced it. In all this time, I’ve been perfume-less. I will not buy cheap perfume. I will also not buy perfume by CK or Gautier or any of those other slags who use the likes of Kate Moss to advertise. No. Thank. You. It’s Jo Malone or nothing. She’s classy. So yesterday I woke up and thought, “screw it.” I wanted something luxurious and I walked to Selfridge’s in the wind and rain and bought what I wanted.

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4 March, 2008 | 2 Comments

sunset in the tuileries

It’s been more than a week since I’ve posted anything! How very strange. I had such a marvelous time in Paris — and more importantly, a very productive time creatively — that since I’ve been back I’ve been reading a lot and working on my novel and haven’t had time for much else (besides the teaching). I’ve been feeling a bit happier and it’s always harder for me to blog when I feel happy. I was also too lazy to go through all the photos I had taken (which is a ton of work) and I can’t do a travel post without photos. But now I finally have my act together.

My trip to Paris was last-minute, but I went because I had this feeling in my gut that I needed to get away. I just felt in my bones that I’d benefit from three days away from work, home and my daily routine, where I could be alone and empty my mind of the banal, instead just focusing on art and writing and beauty. I felt this was what I needed, but as I left on the Eurostar I wasn’t entirely convinced anything positive would happen in Paris. After all, I had been creatively dead for two months, since before Christmas. In January and February I often go into a funk. It’s not something I can control — it’s a chemical reaction to the lack of sunshine. I’ve always been susceptible to this, but I’ve noticed it’s been worse since moving to London, where the winter days are much shorter than what I’ve experienced before. Before next winter rolls around, I must take steps to minimize the effect of this.

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26 February, 2008 | 17 Comments

I had a magical time in Paris - simply magical! The trip far exceeded all expectations. I’m working on my novel again (thank GOD!!!). There was actual sunshine and warmth all weekend, which was intoxicating (see photo above — with more to come!). But I will wait to write about all of this because I have some GOOD NEWS to share. Yesterday while I was in Paris my lawyer called to tell me that…

I WON MY COURT CASE!!! And I won it big, baby!

This was the perfect ending to my lovely weekend. The judge ordered the evil landlady to return the deposit and guarantie she has illegally withheld for more than a year. And there’s more! I was awarded 1200€ for my legal fees. And the icing on the cake…1000€ in damages for abusive treatment! I was stunned. My lawyer was stunned too, actually. She said that in France, it is not common to receive damages in a civil case. Even though lawyers ask for them, they are rarely awarded as they are in the U.S. courts. She also said that if there is an awarding of legal fees, it will usually cover barely half the legal expenses, whereas in my case, I have been awarded more than I’ve actually spent (at least so far). I never expected such a big victory and my lawyer was just so pleased with herself and kept saying, “You really deserve this ruling!”

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22 February, 2008 | 2 Comments

I’m off to Paris in the morning, armed with a chapter-in-progress from my novel, a blank notebook, a fountain pen and a paperback copy of The Bell Jar (which I have not read in a long time but need to re-read for my thesis). Oh — and I’m taking a camera, of course. I really hope this trip gives me the boost I need. I have no real plans besides wandering around and sitting in cafés drinking tea.

BTW, the judge in Paris made a ruling in my court case against the landlady. My lawyer has been trying to get a copy of the judgment from the court clerk for the past week. *Sigh* I can’t even begin to understand what the hold-up is. [Resisting the urge to insert snotty comment here.] Anyway, I should know next week. Then again, maybe not…

So have a good weekend. I’ll report back next week!

20 February, 2008 | 4 Comments

Tonight on the bus ride home from work I cried a little bit. I think it was from exhaustion, mostly. I’m still not entirely well but I’ve had to teach a lot of hours this week. I’m tired. I’m not sure where I’ll find the energy to do it all again tomorrow. In general I’m not entirely happy right now anyway. That’s just the way it is, like it or not. So all of this added up to a teary moment on a packed bus. While looking out the window at the whirl of pedestrians and red traffic lights of Holborn, I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to feel entirely alone in the world. That’s how I felt, then, at least for that moment.

This weekend I am going to Paris. Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Even if I don’t feel well enough to go, I’m going. I splurged on the ticket. I need to feel inspired, I need to feel pleasure — the kind of sensual pleasure that only Paris can provide. Last year at this time I was living there, trying to sort myself out, trying to pull myself up from the lowest of the low. I’m craving a visit to Paris right now. Or perhaps, maybe, what I’m really craving is for something to

wake me up.

15 February, 2008 | 2 Comments

I returned home from work last night to discover this huge bouquet of pink ranunculuses waiting for me! I was stunned! I’ve never seen such beautiful flowers. The bouquet is so huge (more than 50 blooms) that I had to split it into two vases.

You know, I really needed a pick-me-up this week and these flowers are very much appreciated. I’m so touched. Thanks M - ! xoxo

[Click below for more flower porn imagery...]

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14 February, 2008 | 4 Comments

I took this photo last Valentine’s Day in Montmartre Cemetery. Nothing says “I love you” like a creepy photo taken in a graveyard. And you know, I really do love you. Yes, you.

Last night in my sick bed I went through the Paris photo archives looking for my Valentine’s photos from last year, since I knew there was no chance of me taking any new ones today. I was in quite a weird mood last V-day. Click below for two more photos I took in Paris — one of a bondage shop (my third most-viewed photo on Flickr, entitled “love = pain”) and a more traditionally pretty one. No matter how you’re feeling on this clichéd day of love, I think there’s a photo here to suit your mood. That’s my gift to you. It’s not much, but then what did you get me? Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.

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13 February, 2008 | 3 Comments

…because she is sick. Anglofille lost her temper this morning when she discovered her students did not have their assignments printed out. She implied they were useless morons and her face turned all red and she became super-bitch. The students were stunned. Anglofille would have enjoyed watching them squirm, but she doesn’t like losing her cool and so she felt ashamed. After this, Anglofille realized she is indeed quite sick and needs to be in bed.

Anglofille then went to Boots and the pharmacist listened to her symptoms and gave her some magic potion to make it all better. Anglofille also bought lemon and honey to put in hot water, as directed by the pharmacist, who also suggested she gargle with aspirin mixed in water. Ugh. Anglofille is not doing that. Anglofille doesn’t gargle.

If not better soon, the doctor on Friday…