13 July, 2006 | Comments

I thought I was finally done writing about the World Cup, but I want to post two quick follow-ups to previous posts on Zidane and the WAGs…

As anyone who is following the Zidane head-butt saga knows, last night he stated on French television that the reason he attacked the Italian player Materazzi during the final moments of the World Cup is because Materazzi made vile comments about his mother and sister, though he wouldn’t get specific. Britain’s top lip reader is convinced that Materazzi called Zidane’s mother a “terrorist whore.” (And now Materazzi’s camp is circulating the rumour that Zidane insulted Materazzi’s mother first.) This whole incident has fixed the international spotlight on the kind of juvenile, idiotic trash talk that goes on between football players. The misogynist nature of such talk is completely disgusting but not altogether surprising. Too bad the global sense of Zidane-induced outrage isn’t focused on this issue instead. When will that self-righteous blabber mouth, FIFA President Sepp Blatter, start threatening players with punishment for this kind of sexist talk? Oh wait, I forgot, this is the guy who wants female football players to wear tighter shorts in an attempt to increase viewership.

More WAG news. Apparently, the FA is considering banning the wives and girlfriends from all future football tournaments, given how much of a distraction they proved to be during the World Cup. Not surprisingly, some are even blaming the WAGs for England’s loss. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

Tags: World Cup, Zidane, Materazzi, Sepp Blatter

10 July, 2006 | 9 Comments

I watched the World Cup final last night. I find it astonishing that so many people are up in arms over Zidane and his red card incident. Perhaps it did cost France the game and I can understand fans being upset about that. But the actual incident? Who cares! I swear, listening to the BBC commentators, if I hadn’t seen the head-butt myself, I would have assumed that Zidane had pulled out a gun and shot the other guy dead. Such outrage over a non-issue. He’s forever shamed! His legacy is ruined! How ridiculous. It was a stupid thing to do, but we all do stupid things sometimes. Get over it.

1 July, 2006 | Comments

So I imagine that everyone is gutted now that England is out of the World Cup. I watched the end of the match. What a way to go out. It seems like Portugal was up to some dirty tricks, at least from my amateur viewpoint.

I don’t know much about English football, but I’m guessing — just guessing — that being an England fan is like being a Boston fan in many ways. With rare exceptions, they break your heart in spectacular fashion. I know the feeling and it sucks. Sorry everybody.

29 June, 2006 | Comments

[I wrote this post for Shortcut this week. I must confess that I so wanted to title this post “WAGs are Slags,” but then decided that was in poor taste, even for me.]

As an American living in London, I find myself in the minority when it comes to excitement over the World Cup. I tried to get into it, I really did, but it’s not my cuppa tea. And to be honest, I’m disappointed that I turned out to be such a cliché. I normally try to rise above the tired stereotypes of my homeland, but I failed this time. However, although the actual matches being played bore me to tears, the World Cup as a cultural spectacle fascinates me. Take, for example, the WAGs.

The media here are obsessed with the England team’s wives and girlfriends, or as they are more frequently called, the WAGs. I find this rather strange because in America, the wives of professional athletes rarely get any media coverage at all. That’s not the case in England, where the exploits of these fake-boobed, fake-tanned, fake-nailed, fake-haired zombies seems to be of major interest.

The media is full of stories about the WAGs’ exploits in Baden Baden, where the England team is staying during the World Cup. From their shopping binges and spa visits to all-night clubbing, the WAGs are in the news all the time. And it’s not just the tabloids covering them. The more serious news media is also showering them with attention, but cleverly, they’re covering the media frenzy surrounding the WAGs, not the WAGs themselves, which allows them to pretend they’re taking the journalistic high road when in fact they’re in the gutter with everyone else.

Apparently, the WAGs have seriously boosted the economy of tiny Baden Baden. From the Telegraph: “The wives and girlfriends parade through the town exuding carefully contrived glamour. They are uniformly tiny, their hips as slimline as their vodka tonics. They teeter along the cobbled streets in spiky heels and skin-tight jeans, their eyes masked by saucer-sized sunglasses.”

According to the Telegraph, the English WAGs are unique among the international coterie of footballers’ wives and girlfriends, who appear to be keeping a lower profile. “The assorted other halves of the England team, however, are a source of curious fascination because of the conspicuousness of their consumption. At the designer boutiques, they think nothing of dropping several thousand pounds in one go.” Lodgings for the England team alone will reach £100,000 by the end of the tournament. In contrast, the Australian team and their wives are managing to live rather modestly while in Germany, spending around £100 a night per room. And as for the Costa Ricans, you gotta love ’em – they’re staying at the Holiday Inn.

The WAGs seem to be looked upon with national pride by the media, rather than derision. And though I find the whole spectacle of the WAGs to be nauseating, I do admire the fact that they are making no attempt whatsoever to hide their shallowness. I doubt we’ll see any Angelina Jolie-esque publicity stunts from them. Don’t expect to see Victoria “I’ve never read a book in my life” Beckham posing with orphans or Coleen McLoughlin serving soup to the homeless. In this age of media manipulation, it’s refreshing to watch the WAGs broadcast to the world – without an ounce of shame – that they are nothing more than image-obsessed, self-centered shopaholics. Go England!

Tags: World Cup, Footballers’ Wives, WAGs, Victoria Beckham

[One reference from Gridskipper.]

28 June, 2006 | 6 Comments

Women who like to watch the World Cup are often accused of only liking it because they want to see men running around in tight shorts. Well if you ask me, I think this is why a lot of “straight” men watch it. The homoerotic nature of major organized sports like soccer and American football is blindingly obvious. You cannot be watching the World Cup right now and not see it splashed right across your television screen! Anyone who cannot at least acknowledge this is in major denial.

I think that a certain percentage of the macho repressed Neanderthal types who are obsessed with these sporting events (you know, the kind who like to beat up “queers”) actually get turned on by them. These sporting events feature lots of physical contact between men, form-fitting uniforms, hugs and pats on the ass o’plenty. [And let’s not forget terms like “tight end” and “end zone.”] Because all of this is done in an environment that celebrates male aggression, strength and even violence, men with repressed homosexual desires can get off on it without acknowledging or even understanding what they’re feeling. And then when the game is over they can continue to bash gays and women, which is classic, textbook behaviour for men like this. [Fraternities have the same vibe going on.]

Of course I am not implying that all professional athletes and sporting fans are closeted homosexuals. Big duh. But we aren’t allowed to even question the hetero macho “manliness” of playing or watching organized sports. And I’m sorry, but that’s just bullshit.

Tags: World Cup

Photo caption: At right, the dude married to posh spice. At left, some other dude.

25 June, 2006 | 5 Comments

The great thing about the World Cup is that whenever England plays, the streets in London are deserted. I love to go out and walk around and pretend I’m the only person left on earth.

This evening, not long after England’s victory over Ecuador, I happened to be in Trafalgar Square. The joint was trashed! There was rubbish and cans everywhere and men were relieving themselves right in broad daylight. It was smelly and gross! The drunken hooligans were matched in number by the police (some wearing fatigues and berets). The police weren’t doing much, aside from confiscating beer from people who were falling-down drunk; one guy who was wearing a flag wrapped around his waist and nothing else was ordered to go find some clothes. [Oh, and I saw a ferret on a leash. The high point of the day.]

It’s interesting to observe how the police in London work [and I’m not just talking about today, but even thinking back to the protests over the Mohammed cartoons earlier this year]. The police in America are much more aggressive – after Boston won the World Series, they actually shot and killed a college student in the melee. While that’s an extreme example, the police in big American cities seem eager to get right in people’s faces and act more adversarial. Here, the police seem to stand back and let people run amok, only stepping in where necessary. This evening in Trafalgar Square, many fans were swimming in the fountain and many had climbed up onto statue in the middle. The police didn’t stop anyone from doing this and the paramedics were actually standing at the edge of the fountain, ready and waiting to help if one of the drunken morons diving head first into the shallow pool of water got injured. Why didn’t they stop the fans from going up there in the first place? I don’t get it.

One guy in the mob started a fight and suddenly, 10 police officers jumped out of the shadows and surrounded him. If we had been in New York, this guy would have been treated to a major smackdown courtesy of the NYPD. But here, the police talked to the guy, shook his hand and let him go. That’s it! I think my stunned reaction to this whole afternoon says a lot about my own social conditioning as an American, especially concerning the expectation of violence. It’s still impossible for me to fathom that most police in this country don’t carry guns.

On the bright side, England won and I got to wade through streams of urine. What a great day! Now I have to burn my shoes.

Tags: World Cup

10 June, 2006 | Comments

The World Cup officially kicked off in Germany yesterday and I will be writing about it now and then. The purpose of these posts will be to piss off as many people as possible. I guess I should admit at the outset that I hope England wins. I mean, someone has to win this thing so it might as well be England. Americans don’t give a damn about the World Cup and as such, an American victory wouldn’t be cosmically just. It would be like one of those people who buys a lottery ticket one time just for fun and wins $100 million. People like that suck.

So anyway, I’m watching a bit of England’s first match this afternoon, against Paraguay. I’m determined to see what all the fuss is about. I’m pleased to say that it’s quite entertaining so far, but for the wrong reasons. Every time one of these so-called “tough guys” gets even a teensy weensy bit injured, he writhes around in pain on the field in such a dramatic fashion that even the most tantrum-prone toddler would have to give him major props. Wah!

For a totally different perspective, check out my fellow American in London, The Vol Abroad, who’s got the fever.

Tags: World Cup